Pizza
Ass
a
Dariarotica ficlet
by Mr.
Bigglesworth
"Well, it's about, like, time, or
something!" said Sandi to the annoying delivery geek from the Pizza King.
"Twenty nine minutes," replied
Artie. "It was almost free -- as if those darned aliens
hadn't already cost me enough!"
"What aliens?" asked Sandi. She
hadn't known about any foreign nationals in
"They come at night, and they abduct
you!" began Artie in response.
The corners of Sandi's mouth turned down in
disdain. Great, she thought, one of those weirdoes. And now he'd,
like, not only expect a tip for his barely adequate service, he obviously
wanted to regale her with his distasteful brand of crackpottery.
"And then, once they've got you, they probe
you!" Artie continued, oblivious to the change in Sandi's attitude.
"And that's just the beginning!" Sometimes, they steal your skin and
replace it with a synthetic skin...and other times they steal your dreams
-- that's why they come at night, see, and..."
Already tuning Loserboy out, Sandi began
fishing around in her pocket for money to pay him and get him out of
here, when suddenly they were both bathed in a flood of impossibly bright white
light.
"Oh no, not again!" she
heard the delivery guy's dismayed voice exclaim. "I've still got pizzas
to deliver!"
To her surprise, Sandi discovered she
couldn't move a muscle. Then to her horror, she saw several small humanoid
shapes moving toward her and Artie from somewhere back towards the source of
the light.
Time then seemed to skip ahead. Sandi didn't
remember being taken aboard the aliens' craft, but she realized she must have
been when the next thing she was aware of was being naked, and still unable to
move. She was lying on her stomach, atop some kind of examining table or
something. The material it was made of was some kind of yellowish brown
something that felt warm and slightly rubbery to the touch, and conformed to
the shape of her body. Conformed a little too well, it would seem: Sandi
realized the reason she couldn't move was that her hands and wrists, and her
lower legs, were imbedded in the mysterious substance.
Her breath quickening, trying not to panic,
Sandi looked around the room. The pizza delivery guy was attached to one of the
walls, bands of the stuff the room was made of extending from the wall to wrap
around his wrists, ankles and midsection. The two captives briefly made eye
contact.
"Oh boy," said Artie pityingly.
"Looks like it's the Probulator for you!"
Sandi opened her mouth to reply, then noticed
that Artie was naked, too. She turned away in disgust, then remembered her own
nakedness and blushed. About then, she became aware of other presences in the
room.
There they were, right in front of her in
fact, two tiny grey aliens, with oversized heads and huge black eyes, standing
at some sort of control panel that sat atop a column extending up from the
floor.
A disembodied voice Sandi could somehow
understand, even though she knew it wasn't speaking English, said "Apply
the Probulator to the first subject. We will attempt to correct the problems
we've been having with the other's skin afterwards."
The second part of this statement brought a
dismayed groan from Artie. One of the aliens then picked something up from the
control column. Something shiny and metallic.
It looked, for all the world, like some kind
of surreal futuristic eggbeater.
As this alien approached Sandi, the other
adjusted something on the control column. Sandi felt the thing she was...attached
to...start to bulge and swell upwards in a spot beneath her hips. The
president of Lawndale High's Fashion Club felt her pert, firm derrière
thrust relentlessly up into the air, making her feel even more exposed and
vulnerable. Suddenly remembering certain details of the stories she'd heard
about just what was involved in being probed by aliens, Sandi struggled
frantically against her bonds while shouting demands to be released,
interspersed with a choice collection of...other words she'd learned
from various sources (mostly her younger brothers and her mother), but it was
no use -- her demands were ignored and the stuff holding her in place didn't
give at all.
The alien with the eggbeater-thingie walked
closer, and closer. Sandi gasped and tried to shrink away from it. Then to her
surprise it walked right past her. She tried to turn her head around to get a
look at what was going on, but couldn't see far enough back. From somewhere
above her she heard a thunk, as of some mechanical part suddenly sliding
home. The alien then went back to the control pedestal, joining its comrade
there.
After a moment, one of the aliens adjusted
some control on the pedestal's top, and then from above Sandi there came a
whirring sound, and a few seconds later she felt something cold pressing
against her...two cold somethings -- the two attachments that had made
the thing look like an eggbeater, she realized -- one where she'd always heard
of alien probes going in, the other...
With a sudden outraged cry, Sandi threw her
hips to one side and felt the probes move away from the entrances they'd been
positioned at, sliding across one of her asscheeks. The reprieve was brief,
though: the alien that was handling the controls adjusted something else, and
suddenly a band of the weird material this place was made of surged up from the
table's surface and wrapped itself around the small of Sandi's back, just above
her butt, and forced her body back into alignment atop the bulge.
An instant later, Sandi felt the two cold
metallic tips of the probe pressing against her...pushing into
her...relentlessly spreading her open and sinking impossibly deep. Strangely,
there was no real pain involved, but Sandi clenched her teeth and groaned at
the ice-cold sensation of the probe inside her. Then the alien adjusted yet
another control, and suddenly the probe went from cold to uncomfortably hot,
then back to cold again, then back to hot, then to some other sort of
sensation she couldn't have begun to describe. She began to feel a familiar
tingling that soon amplified itself into another, equally familiar
feeling...like the world's worst unscratchable itch...sortof...only not...
With another, louder groan of outrage Sandi
realized that the probe was somehow forcing her body to respond, and that if
the aliens kept doing whatever it was they were doing, she was going -- whether
she wanted it or not -- to have an orgasm here in front of these
extraterrestrial perverts and pizza boy. How humiliating! Sandi screwed her
eyes shut and whimpered.
She soon found herself right on the edge of
climaxing there on the weird examination-table thingie she was partially
embedded in...and then staying there, teetering on that knife-edge of
sensation...second after second...minute after minute...agonizing eternity
after agonizing eternity...
"Wow, and I thought I had it bad
when they stole my skin," Sandi thought she could hear the pizza geek
saying through the haze.
Sandi then heard the two aliens in the room
speak to each other for the first time. Strangely, they sounded just like two
fictional aliens in a disgusting cartoon movie she'd caught Sam and Chris
watching on video the other day. She couldn't help but smirk, even with
everything else that was going on, at the memory of the trouble she'd gotten them
in with their parents when she'd confiscated the video tape and turned it over
to them.
"Think that's enough?" one alien
asked the other.
"Naah, go for broke," its companion
replied.
Another adjustment of the probe's controls
was made, and a scream wrenched itself from Sandi as the sensations she'd been
experiencing suddenly intensified to the point that the entire universe seemed
focused around them.
On and on it went...for how long Sandi had no
idea...she kept thinking that she couldn't possibly take any more, that at any
second she'd have to come...or faint...or die...she could hear
some pathetic pleading girl's voice, like Stacy's only, like, way more
pitiful, sobbing for some kind of release or at least respite. When Sandi
realized the voice was hers, she really did feel like she wanted to
die...
Finally, she heard the disembodied voice that
had been giving the two aliens in the room orders say "okay, that's enough
accumulation of orgone energy -- let 'er rip and let's see what happens."
A fraction of a second later, Sandi felt
something...trip...somewhere inside her, and realized that, finally,
this really was it. For one ecstatic moment she felt blessed
relief -- then to her horror she realized just how much of that, like,
whatever-energy the aliens were talking about must have built up.
She had just enough time to start to shout
"N-" before she exploded all over the greys' examination
table.
Literally.
"Ewwwww!" exclaimed Artie as
a few stray bits of the Fashion Club's president got flicked on him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With a sharp cry of terror Sandi sat up in
bed. As she gasped, trying to catch her breath, she realized it had only been a
nightmare...however vivid it might have seemed. It was that damn pizza,
she thought after she'd begun to calm down. That and the weirdo who'd delivered
it, with his lurid tales of alien abductions and his inability to take a
hint and shut up and leave... And of course after he'd left she'd
opened the box to discover, instead of the cheeseless deluxe she had very
specifically requested, a pizza dripping with a double dose of horrid fatty
cheese and those disgusting little fishes...alimonies or antinomies or
whatever...on it. Obviously those two delinquent brothers of hers had called in
and changed the order just to spite her. It had been too late to refuse
delivery, of course, and she'd been hungry, so she'd forced herself to
eat a slice. She certainly wouldn't make that mistake again...and those
two little creeps Sam and Chris were in for the very worst vengeance she
could come up with. Sandi's eyes narrowed and the corners of her mouth turned
up in a smile as she began to review the possibilities...
==============================================================
FIN.
===============================================================
the disclaimers: Daria (even though she doesn't appear in this story, I
mention her anyway) and all ancillary characters are the property of MTV/Viacom,
not me. I'm not making a dime off this story and suing me would probably be bad
PR (to say nothing of Karma) anyway.