...And I apoligize in advance if it's a little lame, since rhyming isn't my forte...
Christmas @ Raft
RP Hennigan
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the dorm, books
and clothing lay scattered, like leaves after a storm. Beer cans and
roaches were scattered here and there, as finals were over, and bodies
lay bare. Daria stepped through carnage very carefully, as she loathed
to step in the puddles of pee. The hope of America was sleeping it off,
and come morning they'd boogie, to places far off.
She sighed while evicting a couple from her bed, and wished for a gun, so they might be dead. "Fuck off and die," the male
managed to utter, before she kneed him in the crotch and he began
to stutter. With tear gas and taser, she swept her space clean, as the
woeful miscreants moaned she was mean.
Her roommate was comatose, her date nearly so, but she left them both
there while she started her show. On went her PC, her email did flash,
and soon she was lost in her electronic stash.Bigger boobs and penises,
the ads did declare, while others bragged of their prowess in removing
spyware.
A few she did open, but much to her dismay, they weren't from loved
ones, but more ads from far away. Nigerian lawyers, and activists too,
were hustling and bustling, in search of her loot. With a groan and a
flourish, she banished them all, and turned off her PC and went down
the hall.
The kitchen was trashed, as the pantry was too, so she gave up her
searching for nourishing food. Dialling for pizza while feasting on
snacks, some of her dormmates staggered in back. "Where were you? you
missed it, the greatest party of all! If you don't believe us, come
look, someone's nailed to the wall!" She sighed and dismissed them,
with scorn and disdain, and made her arrangements to get on a plane.
Home wasn't where she wanted to be, but at least she didn't have
to deal with the dregs of society. Her friend Jane answered her call,
and together they sallied, to the airport near the mall. The security
folks weren't taking no chances, they stripped 'em both down and made
them do dances, making her moan, "I'm glad we paid by credit, instead
of cash, or else we'd have to tip them for that!"
Jane smirked at her clever retort, as they sat down and waited in
the crowded airport. Finally it came their turn to board, and they
jostled and struggled to stow their hoard. "Your carry on's too large,
in the belly it must go!" the stewardess cried as they tried to fit it
in just so. Thanks to Jane's need to take her artworks along, they
ended up waiting until nearly dawn.
Finally, in Lawndale they arrived, only to find no taxis beside. No
buses, no taxis, no answered phone calls, until finally they started
bouncing off the walls. "Screw this, we're walking, and no smart-ass
replies, I've a date with my old bed and need to shut my eyes!"
To this her friend could offer no wisecrack, so off they did
march, until at last the old homestead did appear, and they parted
ways, to partake in familiar cheer. Alone on the doorstep, her key in
the door, Daria sighed. "Merry Christmas? No more!"
The End
Like I said, I suck at making things rhyme.