TANANDARIA SEASON ONE
_______________

“Ok, board, we have a newbie today!" Rich said, "Tananda, care to tell us a little about yourself?"
"I have green hair. I carry a pitchfork, a box of pizza, a box of Chocolate Scooby Snacks, and a minion named Skeeve. I've been kicked off the Daria set 1,578 times." Said Tananda in monotone, "In my spare time, I write crappy fictions based on me, my life, my friends, and anything else that can get me lines."
"I like her." Mahna Mahna said to the girl in the 'Background Girl 378' shirt, "She seems to be an obsessor. And a good one at that."
"I don't know. I need to see some proof she's cool first."
"She's not." Nonamejane spat, "She looks like she'd claim experience on something she knows nothing about."
"What?" Beth Ann said, "That makes no sense. That hair reminds me of a Girl Scout, somehow..."
"It reminds me of a pizza delivery girl." Galen said, "Hmm...think she'd like to be in a story?"
"Nah. She doesn't look like the type who would want to be featured to fan work." Angelinhel said, frowning, "She's seems pretty old, too."
"Yea. She's probably really serious." Kristen Bealer agreed, "Probably follows the rules by the book and returns it to the library on time."
"Hmm...that seems like someone easy to manipulate..." Nonamejane said, "I think I'll make her join the dark side."
"Oh, please." Angelinhel laughed, "She'll listen to me, not you. Idiot."
"I AM THE ORIGINAL CYNIGAL. DO NOT DARE QUESTION ME." Nonamejane screamed.
"Whoa. All this over me?" Tananda grinned, "I could get used to it."
"Have fun." Guy "I have no clue why he's in this story" Payne said, "It'll only last awhile. Don't expect to be the center of attention forever."
"Aw damn." Tananda frowned, flipping her green hair, "Guess I'll have to make myself popular through being a complete and total unserious child with no meaning to anything I say."
"Works for me." Scarlett said, walking past her.
_______________

"Go away!"
"Oh, c'mon. I'm not really that obsessed with your show!"
"You're constantly bringing me pizzas - whether I want them or not!"
A girl in a shirt that says "Background Girl 378" passes.
"Hey, that's God's fault, okay?"
"No, not okay. I go out for pizza, I do not need them brought to me."
"Fine."
"Okay then"
"Want some candy? It's chocolate."
"As long as you're not poisoning me...thanks."
_______________

"I remember this one fan who had a pitchfork and minions." Jane tells us, "She had some green-haired girl begging for a minion of her own."
"Jane kept getting scared when Daria was about to spit up her pizza." Tom reveals, "Once, she got so revolted she threw up all over poor Daria. Daria got her back, though."
"It was that green-haired girl!" Whined Daria, "She kept feeding me pizza! She wouldn't stop!"
(We see a girl with a t-shirt on that says 'Background Girl 378' walking past carrying a tuning fork and a sign that says 'Hi Mom!' and Nonamejane scaring countless children.)
_______________

"That girl...is so...weird"
"I assuuume that you mean Quinn's cousin, or whatever. She's so unfashionable."
"No......that other one......she makes that girl from Quinn's house look.....like...normal...or something."
"Where, Tiffany? What if she touches me? I won't get her unfashionableness germs, will I Sandi?"
"Staacyy! I'm looking for the girl!"
"Sorry Sandi."
Looks around and sees a girl in a "Background Girl 378" shirt talking to a green haired girl with a poking stick.
"We should tell that girl over there that unneutral hair is unfashionable or something."
"Yeah.....eww."
"Excuse me, um girl, but your hair is verry unfashionable and you should, like, change it or something."
Tananda picks up her stick
"Don't point at me with that, like, thing, unpaapular girl."
"Why? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A VERY GOOD MINION-RENTING SOURCE SO GET AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I POKE YOU IN THE NOSE!"
"Freak out....We were just tryyying to.....like....help"
Background Girl 378 starts laughing like a maniac.
"What? Is it the poking stick?"
"You'll see."
"I'll see what? What are you do -
I've had enough of your kind around here, you...you fashionites! Now where'd my "Seventeen" go...I was reading about how to make the male entire cast of "Degrassi" fall in love with me..."
_______________

“Um…Jane.” Daria said, looking scared, “Help. Please.”
“What is it, Daria….oh no.” Jane said, following Daria’s gaze, “She’s back!”
There stood Tananda with a box of pizza, a box of Chocolate Scooby Snacks, and a poking stick. She ran up to Daria, her green hair flying behind her.
“Hi Daria! Have some pizza! Or a Scooby snack! Eat!” Tananda gibbered, shoving food down Daria’s throat.
Jane jumped Tananda and pushed her to the floor. Tananda poked Jane in the nose with her poking stick and screeched, “Jab! Jab, jab! Jaaaaab!” Daria was choking. There was too much food shoved down her throat, she started turning blue, and looked up as a shadow came over her.
It was no other than Nonamejane! She laughed at Daria and kicked her in the stomach.
“YOU’RE A POOR EXCUSE OF A SCORPIO! AND JANE IS NOT A VIRGO!” Nonamejane shouted in rage as Daria fell unconscious, still choking on Tananda’s food. Nonamejane watched Tananda struggle and laughed. It amused her to see the Lead Newbie fight Jane. Maybe she’d be worthy of a pitchfork after all. ‘And if she’s really good,’ she thought, ‘Maybe I’ll ask Angelinhel to give the tyke a minion. Just as a reward for loyalty.’
Tananda finally kicked off Jane and ran up to Daria.
“NO! DON’T DIE! I’M OBSESSED WITH YOU! I’D NEVER BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT STALKING YOU!” Tananda shouted, trying to shovel the food out of Daria’s mouth.
Then, along comes Background Girl 378, wearing a mini skirt and tight tee shirt, carrying a Seventeen magazine with ‘Degrassi Men-Which Is Your Hottie?’ on the front cover.
She casually gave Daria the Heimlich maneuver and glared at Tananda. “I will kill you for this magazine you unserious child. LS will not be happy with you. Now if you don’t mind, I have to go be a Girl Scout for Beth.”
With that she stalked off, leaving Tananda staring at Daria’s living body. She looked around and twirled her green hair, obviously debating something. Then she took out a pair of scissors and cut off a piece of Daria’s jacket.
“YES! The perfect collection piece for my shrine! Hahaha!”
With that, she skipped out of the joint, leaving Nonamejane all alone with Daria.
"So..when is your birthday?" She asked.
"November 21st. Why?" Daria replied still gasping for breath.
Nonamejane kicked Daria in the head, rendering her unconscious again.
"Damn Script writers. That couldn't get her sign right if they tried." She muttered.
_______________

"Hi Kristen!" Tananda said, sitting next to her, "Can I see your pitchfork?"
"No! Never!" Kristen Bealer shouted, gripping her pitchfork tightly, "It's mine! Don't touch it! You'll give it mad cow disease!"
"Jeez, Kristen!" Tananda laughed, "I might be crazy-mad, but I'm no cow! And I don't carry a disease! Just let me hold it..."
~Tananda snatched the pitchfork away from her~
"NOOOOOO!"
~Kristen snatches it back and stabs Tananda through the stomach repeatedly~
"HAHA! YOU CAN'T HURT ME! WE'RE ONLINE!" Tananda giggled, "Jab!"
Mahna Mahna stood by and laughed. She turned around and smiled at the girl wearing a 'Background Girl 378' shirt and said, "It gets more interesting every day."
"Oh yea. You should see her when Daria's around. She's been kicked out of the set 1,587 times." Scarlett said, scratching her head with her tuning fork.
Galen walks up besides Mahna and shakes his head, "I'm ashamed to be their so-called God."
"Fine. I'll take the role. I'll be their dictator. They'll do as I say or be punished." Nonamejane grinned evilly, "Dare they question my authority! I'M THE ORIGINAL CYNIGAL! MWA HAHAHA!"
"Oh get over it." Galen muttered, earning a scowl and a vulgar finger from Nonamejane.
"I still need her for my girl scout role." Beth said, "Maybe when her and Kristen are done stabbing and poking each other, I can borrow her for a scene or two. You too, Scarlett."
"Thanks! Can't wait. But maybe you should hold off until Tananda's out of the hospital. Kristen's really goin'' at it."
"Hmm. Good point."
"STOP TOUCHING MY PITCHFORK!"
"NEVER! GIVE IT HERE OR I'LL JAB YOU!" Tananda said flipping her green hair over her shoulder.
"NO!!! MY PITCHFORK!" Kristen shouted, lunging at Tananda.
"You know what," Galen said, “I think I'm going to go get some popcorn. Anyone want anything?"
"Chocolate Scooby Snacks."
"Pepsi."
"The blood of a thousand innocents." Everyone stared at Nonamejane, "What?"
_______________

"Is she awake?"
"I don't know Kristen. No need to feel, well, you're not guilty, are you? It would've happened sooner or later, and we all know it."
Mahna Mahna jabs Tananda with her poking stick.
"PUT MY STICK DOWN!"
"Knew that'd get her."
Tananda snatches poking stick.
"Mine!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. When do I get something for violence?"
"When I say you can, Newbie!"
Nonamejane comes into the room.
"They don't let you take blood from patients at this damn hospital. So I decided to see if I could off any of you."
::Blank Stares::
"You all are worthless. No pitchfork for you, after you lost that battle."
"But -. But -."
But nonamejane has already left.
::a fuss is heard in the hallway::
"Look who I got to come in and say sorry for making fun of you while you were unconscious!"
"This is the best gift yet, after the "Hotties of Noggin and Nickelodeon" magazine! Thanks Beth Ann! Hey Daria!!"
"I knew it was a mistake to go outside this morning. I said 'Daria, this world is hell. A hell in which you have a pizza-delivering stalker. Stay inside.', but no, as soon as I step out the door, this one jumps from behind a bush and puts me in a van."
Beth Ann shrugs
"It was all I could think of, short of becoming a stalker myself. I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your van."
_______________

"Hurry, Scarlett! She's gaining!" Tananda said, carrying a minion and a pitchfork, running down a street in Lawndale.
"I'm coming!" Said the girl in the 'Background Girl 378' t-shirt carrying the Tuning Fork, "Oh no! She really is gaining!"
Nonamejane comes into the picture, chasing our two heroes, carrying a burning spear of fire.
"You will never escape me! How dare you call yourself a Leo, Tananda! I will have your head!" She shouted and she shot a fireball, narrowly missing Scarlett’s head.
"Watch the hair!" Scarlett scowled.
"I agree! It took me months to raise the money to dye it this color!" Tananda whined, "and I am a Leo!"
"LIAR!" Nonamejane shouted, throwing yet another fireball from her spear.
They were trapped. The two heroes and Skeeve had run right into a dead-end alley. They turned to face their doom, but then, and amazing thing happened! A shot of light burst into the picture, nearly blinding Tananda and Scarlett. A space shuttle was sitting in their wake! Who was it driving? Could it be- it was!
"Beth Ann!" They shouted, running toward their hero.
"Hop in! I need you for a girl scout scene!"
"I thought you were working on the 'Lawndale Cell Tango'?" Scarlett frowned.
"I was." Beth angrily spat, "But those damn earplugs got the better of me. I locked them all up and decided to work on my other book first."
"I'm all for it. But Skeeve needs a booster seat. Lets go!" Tananda said, patting her minion’s head.
They left, leaving Nonamejane standing there, scowling. Angelinhel came up from behind her.
"Evil never wins. At least you tried." She said.
"I won last time. Oh well, guess I need a Lead Newbie."
At this point, Taryn walks past, humming 'You're Standing On My Neck'.
"Hey! Hey you!" Nonamejane shouted following her, "Want to join the dark side? It could be fun!"
"Sigh. Oh well, I tried." Angelinhel said, picking up her magazine, "Oh! The new issue of 'Pitchforks Galore'! Wow....Forkpitches! Gotta get me one of those! Come on, minions!"
And with that, she left with her thousands of minions trailing behind her.
_______________

A faraway voice is heard
"The crow flies at midnight!"
Shuffling
""She's coming! We need to go now!"
"But Mahna...I need-"
"Kristen'll know it was you if you take both pitchforks!"
"But this one's newer! Can't I just-"
=faraway voice=
"The crow's *still* flying, and it's still midnight."
"Could Scarlett be any louder? Come on Tananda!"
"The guard minion on this one bit me!"
"The guard minion - never mind, let's *go*!"
They finally leave the room.
"Beth's not going to wait forever, even though *I* did."
"Aw, for LS's sake, she brought the space shuttle."
"Just get *in*. I know how to drive it now."
They get in, and lift off like a helicopter.
"Daria! Next time bite that girl harder! That's the third fake 'fork today!"
“Well gee, Kristen, since you asked so nicely…no. That girl’s hand tastes like lasagna.”
_______________

"Hey! Let's play that picnic game and answer with the 'Road Warrior' responses! I call Daria!"
"We've played that six times all ready, Tananda. And I bet it'll take far less than six minutes for you're body to stop twitching when-"
"No need to get hostile, Scarlett. We've only been on the shuttle for two hours."
"But Be-eth! We've played it so many times and I'm Jesse for crying out loud! I can only bring Walt Disney's head so many times before I do something...rash."
Tananda sticks out her tongue and laughs.
"Then let's act out the episodes, starting with 'Esteemers'! I call Dar-"
"We know, Tananda. You're Daria. I call Jane!"
"Thanks, Mahna. Am I going to have to be Jesse in this one too?"
"Yes."
"You had to ask. I'm Quinn? Wonderful. Which is my 'fork's best side?"
_______________

As Mahna Mahna sat in the hairdresser's chair, she bit her lip nervously. "I can't believe you talked us into this."
"Yeah," said Beth and Scarlett (Background Girl #378) in the chairs next to her.
"Come on, admit it," said Tananda, getting the dye ready. "I know you're all envious of my green hair, and now I'm going to make us all match!"
"Um... maybe just some subtle purple highlights?" said Mahna Mahna.
"Hmm. Right. Subtle." Tananda chuckled maniacally under her breath.
_______________

Next: TANANDARIA on K True Lawndaleywood Story
***************
TANANDA:
It all started when I was extremely obsessed with being in "Daria" fanfics. So Scarlett wrote me my own spin-off. I loved being the center of attention...
****************
MAHNA MAHNA:
I think I was supposed to be the sensible one or something. I have no idea, because I'd read the next script and have nothing but polluted air between my ears...
*****************
SCARLETT:
It was just mini skirt after mini skirt after mini skirt! Do you know how many sets are suitable for that outfit? Oh, blame me, everyone does. "You wrote scenes, why didn't you send yourself to Tahiti?"...
*****************
BETH ANN
They were thanking me for Girl Scouting them. I got to be the getaway driver and carry a pitchfork. I got to orchestrate wardrobe and makeup and stuff like that; I kept it organized. Who knows what they would have done without my guidance?...
*******************
GALEN/ LS/ GOD
I had no part in this. I was made God to their crazy religion on an offhand compliment. I didn't know it'd go this far...
*******************
THE BETRAYALS, THE EMBARRASSING "DEGRASSI" HUMOR, THE ARTIFICIAL COLORS AND FLAVORS - ALL NEXT ON C TRUE LAWNDALEYWOOD STORY: TANANDARIA.
Note: All not featured refused to be connected with this...project for fear of jeopardizing their careers


"Well, when I'm not acting my part as 'evil dictator,'" Nonamejane shares, "I'm usually helping out at soup-kitchens, or orphanages, or volunteering for my community. I work at an animal shelter too. Those poor bunnies just keep getting hurt and those poor homeless people all need someone to help them out. I just thought, 'why not me?'"
"Yea, we knew you'd never expect her to be like that." Tananda grinned, "And I bet you never expected this either..."
~Tananda takes out picture of Scarlett at a Degrassi Obsessors Meeting, kissing one of the 'hot' (ha!) boy stars~
(Just to keep Daria in this, we'll mention her walking past the stage right now, giving me the middle finger for leaving her out of her own fan fiction)
"Oh yea. That's her all right." Tananda grinned.
_______________

The Tanandaria Press Conference
(We see a large room filled with reporters. At the front of the room there is a platform with a table, four chairs, and four microphones set up on it. Tananda, Scarlett, Mahna Mahna, and Beth enter each sporting exotically colored hair. Beth’s color is faded though.)
Beth: (whispering) What kind of dye did you use? I must have washed my hair a hundred times and it’s not making any difference.
Tananda: (whispering back) Well you said you wanted blue hair, how was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to use permanent dye? It’s your own fault for posting while half asleep; you need to be careful what you say around me. Clueless…(Tananda trails off laughing).
(They take their seats. When they are settled the reporters start asking their questions.)
Guy 1: What exactly is a Mahna Mahna?
Mahna: The question is who cares?
Scarlett: That is one of those unanswerable questions like “What is an original cynigal?”
(Our four stars sit for a moment and ask themselves what an original cynigal is and what it is not.)
Guy 2: What do you say to those say you four are immature children?
Tananda: I say yay, our mission is accomplished.
Guy 3: (who for some reason has lavender hair) How did you four get to be such a close-knit group?
Beth: (sighs) It was my fault, I took them in out of the cold then gave them hot cocoa and Scooby Snacks. That was my fatal mistake; if you feed them they keep coming back.
Mahna Mahna: (sighs as well) I donated to their religion. Then they decided I was one of them
Tananda: One word. Sunday.
Guy 4: Beth, are you ever going to finish the Girl Scout story?
Beth: Some day I suppose (casts an uneasy glance at Tananda who is studying her golden pitchfork)…uh…someday soon.
Guy “I’m in this story whether I want to be or not” Payne: Why do you keep including people who have no desire to be associated with the four of you parts in your stories?
Scarlett: Who wouldn’t love to be associated with us?
Tananda: I don’t know but this press conference is getting boring. Sick ‘em Skeeves.

Daria watched the conference with dismay
"My stalker gets a new show and mine's still canceled? This is all Tom's fault, I realize that now..."
_______________

Close-up of one Roger E. Moore
"But-. I-. But-. I-!"
"Don't worry Roger, it's no trouble for us to get penguins brought up here! We just want you to be happy doing your job."
"Scarlett's right. We just want our Roger to have as much fun as possible working on this set."
"But I said-"
"Really, it's no problem. You heard Mahna, we want you to like working here!"
"But Tananda, I-"
"All done!"
Camera pans back: Roger has electric blue hair.
"Excellent work, Beth! It really brings out the shape of his head!"

OR

NO! DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR! PLEASE!" Roger shouted as Beth Ann and Mahna Mahna tied him down to a chair in wardrobe, "I didn't mean to post under Tanandaria! Let me go!"
"Sit down, penguin boy!" Scarlett snapped, "Or else I'll mentally 'tuning fork' you."
Roger whimpered and sat still as Tananda put tape around his arms and legs. Beth Ann was choosing a dye.
"Ok. Neon orange, Metallic Pink, green, or gold?"
"No green. Too Tanandaish." Tananda said as she flipped her green hair over her shoulder, "And pink on Roger wouldn't look to good."
"Try the Orange." Mahna Mahna suggested, "It's one of the better colors."
"Alright then." Beth said, getting the dye ready, "Just sit back and relax Roger- and just think! Soon you'll be one of us..."
Roger's eyes got big, then his head drooped down and he started quietly sobbing.
_______________

The Death of A Mahna Mahna
The Question Is, Who Cares?
"No! I'm innocent! I'm a random innocent soul!" Mahna shouted from her spot, tied on a wooden pole surrounded by a pile of hay.
"Yea. Sure. And I'm God." Galen said, rolling his eyes, "All right, Tananda, torch her."
"Cool!" Tananda said, "But I'm letting Angelinhel do the honors. Angelinhel, step forward."
"I don't really want to burn Mahna Mahna." Angelinhel said sympathetically, "It really wasn't her who started it. It was Scar-"
Nonamejane pops into the picture and shoots Angelinhel.
"That was evil!" Kristen Bealer said, gripping her pitchfork, which Tananda was eyeing longingly
"No it wasn't. I'm devoid of good and evil." Nonamejane grinned, "Now if you don't mind, I'll do the honors."
"Ok, Nonamejane! Light her up!" Beth said with a smile,
And with that, Nonamejane struck a match and placed it on the pile of hay. In seconds it was up in flames.
In her last moments, Mahna Mahna mentally hugged Beth, she knew it wasn't her fault, that it was all Tananda and Scarlett’s fault. They were manipulative and forced people to follow their actions, like with Mahna in the religion, and Beth in the Tanandaria series. Soon, Beth too would face a gruesome death due to those two Demons and their so-called Lord Nonamejane.
Mahna looked into the faces of the Devil. She saw joy. They were enjoying this. She then looked down as her feet began to warm up, and screamed as the flames hit her face and swallowed her into their waves of heat.
_______________

"I thought we already dyed my hair pink!" Scarlett said as she failed horribly to cover her head.
""We did, but I know you tried to wash it out like Beth here did. We can't have any of that here, missy!"
Scarlett glared at Beth
"You *told* on me? I don't believe this! Are we back in third grade or something?"
"Don't look at me. I'm just the appearance-stuff coordinator. *And* no one's ever called me an 'unserious child'."
"Yeah and I'm just Background Girl 378."
"Well actually..." Mahna said, leaning against the doorway.
"Watch it, you... Oh my Galen! Isn't that Daria?"
Only Tananda fell for Scarlett's "trick".
"Daria!!! Remember me? I'm your biggest fan! I delivered pizza, remember? Can I wear your glasses? Can I touch one of the lenses? Did you come to guest star on our show?"
"Our show? You stalked me, and now you have a show with our names in it?"
"No need to thank me." Scarlett said as she attempted to get the pink out of her hair.
"I know *that*. My career is limited to Noggin and targets 'Degrassi' lovers. I'm smart enough not to thank you for giving my *stalker* her own show while I. Get. Nothing!"
With that she lunged for Tananda with a sword chuck. Tananda looks down at it.
"When I'm alive again in six minutes, can we hang out?"
Daria uncharacteristically screamed.
"I'll never get rid of you people! You'll haunt me until I go to that damn 'real' hell!"
"Say hi to nonamej-" Tananda collapsed, dead in a heap of cartoon fiction.
_______________

"Next time-" Jane said.
"Twenty." Daria smirked as we get a close up of her face.
The scene ended and the alter egos came on the screen. Tananda stared at it until a Degrassi commercial came on, where she screamed and turned it off. She looked down at the picture she held in her hands- A picture of Daria from 'Quinn the Brain'.
"Oh Daria." She sighed, close to tears, "Why can't you come back on MTV? Why?"
She hugged the laminated picture close, then stood up and walked to her room.
The room was identical to Daria's, padded walls, the dog slippers, the poster, and the dog collar, everything right down to the sawed-bared windows. Except one thing. A corner of the room was overflowing with pictures of Daria, transcripts, movies and recorded tapes of episodes, and fan fictions.
Surprisingly, Tananda passed this right up, not giving it a second look. She walked over to her bed and pressed a button on the padded wall. The floor at the foot of her bed opened into a deep pit. Tananda took out a rope ladder from under her bed and attached it to two camouflaged hooks right by the opening of the pit.
She climbed in. It was an underground town that looked exactly like Lawndale. There were people walking around, all sporting identical thin, metal collars that looked very plain and cold. Tananda grinned and walked on, down towards Daria's house. She opened the door with her 'Master Key' and walked in on their dinner.
"Daria!" Tananda shouted, hugging her hero.
"Hmm. Hey Tananda." Daria said, with obviously fake enthusiasm, well as enthusiastic as Daria usually is.
"How are you?" She asked, smiling in greeting to Quinn, Jake, and Helen.
"Considering you have us locked up in your own little obsession fantasy land, and torture us by shocking us when we act out of character or do something against your new world order with these stupid little collars," Daria spat, "I'm still in a living hell."
"Good one." Tananda said, making Daria sigh and look back down at her plate, "Now, I'm going to go visit Jane. See you!"
Tananda skipped out of the place, happy as could be. She had the one item no collector could have- she had Lawndale.

Alternate Ending:

'She skipped out of the house and was about to open the hatch to the real world when she noticed Jane, standing behind her, ready to leave when the door was opened. Tananda zapped her through her collar, leaving Jane twitching on the ground as she climbed up to the world her Lawndale would never know.'
_______________

“Cut!” the director yelled.
“Owww! You have to be more careful!” Mahna whined as she climbed off the pile of hay, “My whole right arm is burned.”
“I thought Beth had gotten you a fire proof suit.” Scarlett said casting an accusing look at the blue haired girl.
“I would have if you had told me about the script change,” Beth shot back, “I thought we were going ahead with the one where Mr. Moore makes an appearance not the ‘Death of Mahna Mahna. The Question is Who Cares?’. Besides I was busy with the Lawndale Tango cast.”
“You didn’t tell her?” Tananda looked at Scarlett in shock.
“I was a little preoccupied with this,” Scarlett said pulling on a lock of her neon pink hair.
“That’s still no reason to put my life in danger!” Mahna yelled.
The director interrupted before a fight broke out, “I’m sorry ladies, but that take didn’t turn out. We’re going to have to shoot that scene again.”
“Great,” Mahna groaned climbing back up on her pile of hay, “Just great”
_______________

“Roger is gone,” Tananda announced.
“He’s what?” Beth, Scarlett, and Mahna said in unison.
“He escaped. He wiggled out of his restraints and climbed out the window.”
“That’s terrible, what are we going to do for our next story now?” Beth said sinking down into a chair.
“And that’s not even the worst part.” Tananda sighed, “He took the penguins with him AND he set all the people in my underground Lawndale free.”
“Let me get this straight, all the people in your underground town, a flock of penguins, and a neon haired substitute teacher are wandering around the city?” Mahna said holding her head in her hands.
“That’s right and it’s up to us to get them back,” Tananda said brandishing a butterfly net.
_______________

"Great. That stalker girl is here again with her little clique."
"Calm down, Daria. I'm sure she won't take pieces of your jacket again."
"Yeah right. Damn green hair. The dye apparently seeped into her brain."
"I wouldn't doubt that. But those people are fun, D! Let's humor them."
"But first I'll pose with the 'Degrassi' men and change my name to Cher."
"Better do that now because here they come..."
"Hey Daria! D you remember me? Do ya? I'm your biggest fan and I delivered pizza. I was thinking of moving to Tel Aviv to watch your show more!"
"My turn, Tananda. Hello Ms. Morgendorffer, Miss Lane. I'm THM and I'm so glad I could meet you." ::stops holding back excitement::
"Can I shake your hand? Clean your glasses? Scrub the bottoms of your boots with a toothbrush?"
"SECURITY!"
::Security drags our heroes away::
"But I barely got to say anything! I'm Background Girl 378, for Galen's sake, and get your hands off the shirt."
"I wanted to dye her haaiiir......."
They're gone.
"That new one's the one you'll have to look out for. Now for that 'Degrassi' promise..."
_______________

Interview
Interviewer: "So, cast of TANANDARIA, how does it feel to have a show so utterly notorious on its channel?"
Beth Ann: "Pretty good. I get to do hair, wardrobe, directing and of course acting."
Mahna Mahna: "But we're not taken seriously. Once Tananda and Scarlett crown you 'One of Them', there's no way in Hell you'll ever be able to talk about anything with credibility. I joined the channel to talk about real issues, but those two suckered me in after 'It's a Nutty Nutty Coincidence'."
Scarlett: "You just watch what you say, Mahna. ::to the interviewer:: I think it's fun. After that fateful 'shiny objects in LotR' conversation with Tananda, I knew my reputation was shot."
Tananda: "Will Daria be here?"
I: "No."
T: "Oh. Well I guess I like having my own show that sometimes features Daria because then I get to meet her!"
I: "Uhh...Okay. Another question: You all seem so strange. What's up with that?"
S: "Sunday"
M: "A defining moment in the pre- pre- pre- series."
S: "She's right, y'know. And she needs to write more. I don't know the difference between the series and reality anymore,"
B: "You *should* write, Mahna."
T: "But what is Mahna Mahna?"
S: "I actually watched the Muppets recently."
M: "Really. That's cool."
B: "Ice is cool."
T: "Can I have an Ultra-Cola with ice?"
M: "Ultra-Cola's not real. Like our show."
I: "While we're back on topic, that's all the time we have. Thanks ladies, and have a good night."
_______________

A neon-haired Roger Moore ran by, panting as he ran... until he was stopped.
"Whoa Nelly, where's the fire?" said Mahna Mahna.
"I'm on the lam from the crazy girls trying to catch me," he said. "You won't rat on me, will you?"
Mahna Mahna shook her head. "Can't. The stupid internet's not working."
"Oh good."
”But Bam! Now I'm back! Hey girls! He went that-a-way!”

“Thanks Mahna! He took the penguins! Those things were expensive.” Scarlett took off in the general direction in which Mahna had pointed.

Tananda sprited her flaming pitchfork. “Thanks Mahna Mahna! C'mon we have a writer to catch!” She then joined Scarlett in the chase.
_______________

TANANDARIA - K True Lawndaleywood Story
THE GUEST STARS
****************
KRISTEN BEALER
After that girl took my pitchforks, I just snapped! I didn't mean to go on an 18-thread manhunt!...
**************
GUY "AT LEAST MY HAIR HAS YET TO BE NEON" PAYNE
They were nice enough. A little obsessive, a little scary, not to mention the fact that I didn't ask to be on the show three times...
****************
NONAMEJANE
They were easily influenced by the dark side. It's not my fault I give out weapons and have them follow my orders. If I had offed Galen, I could've really had control...
**************
ONE ROGER E. MOORE
I tried to take the penguins with me, but I had to at least try to stop them from getting at my hair! I don't even remember the original color now...
**************
GALEN HARDESTY/ LS/ GOD
I stand by my having no part in this madness that turned into one of the worst storms to ever hit the 'boards. They had shrines, but of course I'm indifferent to it...
THE ARTIFICIAL COLORS REVISITED, THE RELIGIOUS UNDERTONES, THE CAST SINGALONGS NEVER RECORDED...NEXT

~Kara at her computer~
"Oh no!" Kara shouted, sporting a 'Background Girl 378 True Fan' t-shirt, "They've found me out! (Kara grins) Maybe I can get Scarlett’s autograph....well, better go pray to my TANANDARIA shrine..."
_______________

~We see our heroes standing around that town-statue thing in the middle of Tananda's underground Lawndale Tananda is holding some sort of technical looking remote control~
"Ok people." Tananda said, pacing back and forth in front of the statue, "This is going to be a tough one. We have a loose author, a bunch of rabid penguins attacking civilization, and the entire lost city population trying to fit back into society."
Tananda stopped in front of Beth Ann and laughed, "HAHAHA! Clueless! Hahaha- sorry. Back on topic."
"Since when did you ever stay on topic?" Asked Mahna Mahna, "You don't even stay on topic when you ARE the topic!"
"Yea!" THM added, "And what the hell am I doing here?"
"I was going to ask that myself." Said the girl in the 'Background Girl 378' t-shirt, "I thought we were just going to make you guest star that one time."
"I wish. Now no one's ever going to take me seriously again." THM sighed.
"Get used to it." Everyone said in union.
"Now, the town should be easy enough to take care of." Tananda grinned, "I new that at one point they'd escape, so I put collars on them. They can't come off- no matter what. If they were to be taken off, it'd instantly kill the person.
"This statue is a magnet. With a press of a button on my technical-looking-remote-thingy, it'll attract all collars to it within a 6,000-mile radius. Too bad I didn't put Roger in one.
"Now, if I could just find the button...."
"Green small button thingy makes the song 'It's a small world after all' play through the whole town. Remember we added that for a special punishment?" Scarlett said, "And-er- don't press the big-triangle-like-pink-button-thingy...It's...er...my own little amusement."
"Oh really?" Mahna Mahna grinned, "Well then....lemme see! Oh my Galen...."
After pressing the button, a big screen TV popped up sporting a 'DEGRASSI THE NEXT GENERATION ALL THE TIME EVERYDAY RIGHT HERE ON DEGRASSITHON' logo.
"I knew it!" Beth shouted, "Ever since I saw a picture of (insert hot (ha!) boy star from show name here) on your wardrobe mirror!"
"Ok, ok, so I have a minor obsession!" Scarlett blushed, "But it's not a bad show! It's actually pretty go-"
"Got it!" Mahna Mahna said, "The button is the Medium-Sized-Slightly-Oval-Plushy-Metallic-Light-Gray-With-The-Orange-Dot-In-The-Middle-Thingy-Button!
"That's Medium-Sized-Slightly-Oval-Plushy-Metallic-Light-Gray-With-The-Orange-Dot-In-The-Middle-Button-Thingy." Tananda said, "Not the Medium-Sized-Slightly-Oval-Plushy-Metallic-Light-Gray-With-The-Orange-Dot-In-The-Middle-Thingy-Button!"
"My mistake." Mahna said, pressing the button.
There was a big commotion overhead as a ton of villagers swept over and around them, making their way to connect with the statue. After the statue was buried by a ton of screaming, moving, living people, Tananda took out an attendance sheet and counted everyone off.
"Believe it or not," Tananda said, shocked, "We have 3 more people on here than there should be."
"It's these guys right here." Mahna said point to three penguins attached to the statue by nose rings, "I think we've just found our first penguins..."
_______________

An Interlude with Mahna Mahna

And now, your annual dose of non sequitur singing....
Mahna Mahna: DJ Solge...
was on a roll.
I've been told,
you can't be sold.
He's not vicious
or malicious
just Dee- lovely
and Dee-licious
No I couldn't ask for another!
Groove is the the Hea---rt!
Groove is the the Hea---rt!
Groove is the the Hea---rt!
Groove is the the Hea---rt!
Thank you! I'm here till Monday! Tip your waitress!
Now, for my next number.... (takes out a calculator) I need to divide by the square root of 56... hmm...
Tananda: What does this have to do with me?
Mahna Mahna: It um... the silliness, you see.......er... Bye! (runs away)

Aha! We have a request from the back. This is for the girl with the green hair...
*Ahem!*
(jazzy tone of voice)
He was a one-eyed one horned flying purple people eater..
one horned flying purple people eater..
I like short shorts!
flying purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me..
One Eye!
Thank you! You're a great audience!
_______________

Mahna Mahna- you know what we need?
Beth- Don't let her say it. You know she's going to say it.
Mahna Mahna- A sing-a-long! Daria had 'Daria!' Why can't TANANDARIA have 'Tanandaria!' I want to be the star!
Tananda- I don't know...what would we sing?
Scarlett- Say The Mahna Mahna Song, and I will personally dispose of your corpse.
_______________

"Come on you guys! Daria's leaving on another road trip in the Tank in half an hour!"
"We should probably be waiting outside her house in about twenty, though. Just in case she leaves early to throw us off. Again."
"Excellent Mahna. Well I'm all packed; extra hair dye if anyone wants to induct a new member."
"Where'd Scarlett go. She was here a few minutes...days ago."
"That's the spirit! She's getting the portable shrine together."
A voice is heard from upstairs
"Who borrowed my 'Background Girl 378' shirts and didn't put them back?"
"I think they're in your suitcase!"
"Okay, then. Sorry for blaming you, Mahna."
They go outside and an exact replica of the Tank is in the street; exact except for a purple, green, blue and pink stripe on the side.
"My turn to pick an episode!"
"No, Tananda, please..."
"'Daria!' I call Daria!"
"Jane!"
"Helen!"
"I am not Brittany again."
"First up: 'Morning in the 'Burbs'!"
_______________

"So exactly who have we lost?"
"Roger, the penguins, T-"
"We have those pierced penguins."
"Right, Tan. So we're still missing Roger, THM left us, and Taryn said one thing and fled. Something about being at fault."
"It's not her fault. It's yours. I gave you the badge."
"Again, right. We need to get them back."
"But how?"
"I don't know. Beth?"
"The Striped Tank. I'll drive."
"Hey. It's 10:30."
Scarlett takes out an offering plate.
"This week it'll be...$30 Mental Money. Sound good?"
"Yeah. All together now"
"Our Stalker, who art online, Galen be thy name..."
_______________

"I think we need more in our shows than just 'Daria Stalking'."
"Why? It's the whole point of the show. Without that, what do we have?"
"Not substance, that's for sure."
"Real people made cartoon talking about stalking another cartoon isn't substance?"
"We were talking about *without* the stalking, Beth. With stalking, we have 'substance'. Ish. What did you have in mind, Mahna?"
"Maybe we could make it a variety show...à la Brady Bunch."
"You want us to sing. Oh, Galen. She wants us to sing."
"Weeeelll..."
"I don't care as long as we can keep my basement Lawndale."
"But she wants us to sing. Scarlett's right. That's a bad idea. I can't even *read* most fanfic Mystik Spiral songs, let alone sing them!"
"Maybe we could not do Daria stuff?"
"NOT DO DARIA STUFF? But she's my hero! My obsession!"
"Sorry for su-"
Tananda begins chasing Mahna with a Daria doll.
"They've both gone over the edge, haven't they?"
"That's one way of putting it, Beth. Lets get Stalker Snacks and watch!"
"Chocolate?"
"As always."
_______________

(at the PPMB hospital)
Beth Ann: What the heck happened to you, Mahna!?
Mahna: (in the hospital bed) The penguins got me. I was trying to catch the rest of them. By the way... if you want to use a disguise around them, a tuxedo doesn't work.
Scarlett: How long have they been loose now?
Tananda: A couple of days. (slams fist into palm) The reign of penguin terror has got to be stopped! But how?
Mahna: Beats me. (pause) Hey, where’d my free Jell-O go?
Tananda: I didn't eat it when you weren't looking, if that's what you're thinking. (pause) What?
_______________

"Come on! We've almost caught up!"
The Striped Tank is driving through the desert. Beth is driving, the windows are open along with the side door which is Mental Taped open and has a stretch of said tape across it so the riders don't fall out. Tananda is hanging out the passenger-side window with a 'fork, while Mahna and Scarlett are leaning out the open door with a huge net.
THM looks at the van, and begins to run even faster.
Sow-mo
"Nooooooo"
THM looks back again
"Eeeeeppppppp!"
The van catches up and is driving alongside the runaway.
Regular-mo
Tananda stuns THM with her pitchfork. Scarlett and Mahna throw on the net. THM is put in a cage-sectioned off part in the back of the van.
"Well that was easy enough! Who's next?"
"Roger. He's probably with the penguins. You all know what that means..."
"South Pole."
"Why didn't we dye his hair pink or something? Blue isn't really going to stand out."
Scarlett glares and pushes a lock of pink hair behind her ear.
"Oh yeah. Right. And you chose the blue."
"Well I didn't know he'd escape! Tananda said Lawndale was locked!"
"Jeez, Mahna!"
_______________

(we see Beth driving a sleigh pulled by Skeeves and some of the pierced penguins. Several penguins are sitting in the back trapped in a cage. She is talking on a walkie-talkie)
Beth: …and that’s another thing why am I the getaway driver? I don’t even have my learners permit yet. What…well, you have point there. I wouldn’t trust Tananda behind the wheel of a car either. (Beth cranes her neck and looks through the snow. She has caught a glimpse of something neon orange and blue) I’ll have to call you back. (She flips the cell phone closed and pulls the reigns of the sleigh.)
(She gets out of the sleigh and starts to walk towards the neon spot, it is Roger trying to hide behind a snow bank.)
Beth: Roger, Roger, Roger why are you doing this? We only wanted you to be in our show is that really too much to ask?
Roger: Yes
Beth: But we’re all such big fans of yours, at least I know I am.
Roger: You are?
Beth: If you only walk long enough is what introduced me to the world of Daria fan fiction and "And When Your heart Begins To Bleed" is what brought me to the PPMB. I think you’re the best fan fiction writer out there.
Roger: What about Kara, and Steven, and LS?
Beth: They all are nothing compared with you.
Roger: hmmm, nothing compared to me…(Roger stands up and starts to walk out from behind the snow bank) Which one of my stories do you think is the best?
Beth: That’s hard, they’re all so good…um…I think…DROP THE NET, NOW. I’VE GOT HIM OUT IN THE OPEN!
(A net drops out of the sky and entraps Roger. He looks up, just a second to late, and sees a helicopter piloted by Mahna. Scarlett, Tananda, and another cage full of penguins are sitting in the back. The helicopter lands and the girls load Roger into it.)
Tananda: Appeal to the male ego, it works every time.
Scarlett: I guess that ends the hunt for Roger.
Mahna: Just one question though
Tananda: What?
Mahna: (Mahna looks at the two cages full of penguins there are obviously much more now then they had at the studio originally) Which of these penguins are ours and which are the wild ones?
_______________

"I don't think we can use the same trap that we used for Roger."
"Mahna's right. When we say stuff like that to him, he gets freaked out and says we're 'a tad weird'."
"We're going to need a different, customized-to-Galen plan."
"Penguins."
"No, that's Roger."
"Hair dye."
"No that's...no one, come to think of it."
"We could say he's not God anymore."
Scarlett gasps
"Not...say...he's... Did Mahna give you that idea?"
"I didn't tell Beth anything like that! I said we take the van and get him while he's sleeping."
"That's a great idea and all, but can I go downstairs now? Daria might get concerned if I don't show up this half-hour."
Collective eye roll
"Fine. Go. We'll sort this out later.
_______________

Setting: a big studio-type place, mostly empty except for many room-sized cubicles all over the place, each a different "set" for the show. Lawndale, desert, Antarctica, green screen with a van in front of it, padded walls, pizza parlor, etc., etc., and sensational so forth.
People are rushing around, putting extra Daria posters up, building more shrine bases and so on.
Spa-ish type place in said studio
"I need my hair touched up. The green's fading." Tananda said, examining her hair.
"Okay. What else?" the actual superficial stuff person asked.
"Someone keeps stealing my 'Background Girl 378' shirts. Mostly the short-sleeved."
"Alright."
"Oh, and I'd feel better if Beth did my hair. This is kind of a tradition from before we got actual sets."
"No problem. I just came with the thirty thousand sets you ordered."
"Thirty thousand, Tananda?" asked Mahna, "Was that really necessary?"
"We all have school. We can't just go wherever at the drop of a hat like we can on the weekend."
"I guess. Where'd Beth go. My purple's fading too."
Shot to Beth talking to people in suits and sunglasses, looking somewhat out of place with royal blue hair.
She sees everyone looking at her.
"Hey! I solved the penguin thing!"
"What are we going to do?"
"We'll hold a couple for ransom and see how much Roger will pay, sell a few to the zoo, and sell the rest on eBay as pets! We'll call them 'Domesticated Wild Penguins'!"
_______________

"Payback"

(at a clean, moderately priced restaurant)
Scarlett: This is really great, us all going out together like this.
Tananda: Yeah! Good suggestion Mahna Mahna! You know, you and Beth Ann are really being great about the roles you get in the stories, what with you being killed off and Beth Ann competing in bikini ice cream match.
Mahna: Um.. yeah. No prob, bob.
Scarlett: What's that sound?
Beth Ann: What sound?
Scarlett: Sounds like... clapping?
Mahna: Uh.. just your imagination. Hey Beth, come with me a sec to the bathroom.
Beth: But I don't have to go!
Mahna: We're girls! We're 'sposed to go in pairs. Trust me! *Come* *on*
Beth: Ok! I can take a hint!
(They leave)
Tananda: Wait, I hear that clapping sound now too.
Scarlett: It's getting louder.
Tananda: Oh my LS.
Scarlett: It couldn't be.
Tananda: It is.
Both: SINGING WAITERS!
(The waiters and waitresses have now shown up, clapping in unison like crazy)
Waiters: Happy happy birthday
from all of us to you!
Happy happy birthday
may all your dreams come true!
HEY!
T & S: ARRRGHH!!
_______________

Tananda woke up to find herself in a hospital bed.
Tananda: Wha? What happened?
Mahna Mahna: You fainted after you suggested we stop posting.
Tananda: Oh boy, I guess I.... hey... where's my Jell-O?

Scarlett: It was Mahna! She ate it! Beth and I didn't split it or anything.
_______________

Taryn: Everyone, I'd like you to meet a good friend of mine. Say hi to Wonderbread everyone.
Wonderbread: Um hi. Taryn, can I go back to animetak now? These people are scaring me. Besides, I don't want my reputation to be ruined
Taryn: Oh Meagan, don't be silly. You knew when you signed up I'd ruin it before you even got a chance to start a reputation.
Tananda: Oooh. Look at her hair. That blonde will have to go.
Wonderbread: Okay thanks I gotta g.... *everyone tackles her*
Tananda: Beth? Get the Hair dye.
_______________

"Crazy 'It was all a Dream!' Episode"
Setting: A bunch of chairs arranged in a circle occupied by various Crayola- and regular-haired people, chattering amongst themselves. Four teenage girls with bright hair, lab coats and clipboards are on one side, looking around, whispering to each other, and making notes.
Blue Haired Girl: "This job gives me nightmares."
Pink Haired Girl: "I know what you mean. I'm always afraid they'll follow me home at the end of the day."
Purple Haired Girl: "They're so weird. They seem normal at first, but then...How'd we end up in this ward?"
Green Haired Girl: "We were assigned to Post-Padding Mental Bailiwick, what did we really expect? It's actually kind of cool; that we get to be in their little stories."
They turn to address the group.
Pink Hair: "Good afternoon, everyone!"
Everyone: "Good morning Scarlett, Beth, Mahna and Tananda!"
A blue haired man: "We came up with another story! You all go to the Moon!"
Mahna: "That's great, Roger! Why don't you tell us all about it."
Roger: "You see, the penguins got away again and I..."
As he continues to talk, Beth wrote on her clipboard:
"At least they're not dangerous."
Tananda wrote:
"Anymore."
Scarlett: "Very good, Roger. What about you, Ranchoth? What did your room write about this morning?"
Tuning Ranchoth out, she wrote:
"Why does this entire ward write this 'show'? The entire ward! Roger, Ranchoth, THM, Brandon, Taryn, Kara and everyone else!"
Mahna wrote:
"It creeps me out. They're all obsessed with some 'Daria' show that has never existed and they make their own made up stories about it."
Beth wrote:
"This has been a long week."
_______________

Beth Angel
Setting: Some sort of boxing ring/kiddie pool type thing filled with ice cream is in the middle of a stadium. The seats are filled. At the ring, two females, one blonde, the other blue haired, are at opposite corners. There is a guy wearing an open referee shirt exposing his hairy chest under some sort of brightly colored cloak smoking a Peruvian cigar. Said man speaks.
"Ladi-, no. Gentlemen and gentlemen! Now, exclusively on PPMB is the ice cream match between Misses Angelinhel and Beth Ann, both in the yellow bikinis!"
Death glares are shot from the two corners. The ref looks at the assortment of ice cream toppings and vat of chocolate sauce in surrounding his seat and shrugs.
"And now...let the fight begin!"
_______________

(We see Beth hurriedly packing a suitcase in her Tanandaria dressing room. Scarlett suddenly appears at the doorway blocking the way out.)
Scarlett: What do you think you’re doing?
Beth: (she turns around to meet Scarlett, a nervous look on her face. Melodramatic soap opera music starts up in the background) I’m leaving, I was hoping to get out of here without making a scene.
Scarlett: You’re just leaving, just like that? No goodbyes, no warning, no anything? Where are you going?
Beth: I’m running away with Brandon. We’re going to the Bahamas with Greystar, Angel, and Kristen. After the popularity of the last match, Brandon and I thought we could make some money off of it. He’s setting up a grudge match between Nonamejane and I in the Bahamas and selling the tickets.
Scarlett: A grudge match with Nonamejane?
Beth: Torturing cats, calling you and Tananda annoying, somebody has to stop her.
Scarlett: But why are Angel, Greystar, and Kristen going?
Beth: Cheese fries.
Scarlett: Cheese fries?
Beth: (shrugs) It’s an inside joke.
(Suddenly we hear voices from out in the hall. It is none other than the group of twenty something year olds in question. Brandon, who is wearing his Technicolor dream coat but no shirt and smoking a Peruvian cigar, is leading the group. Greystar and Angel are next in line sharing a bottle of Crown Royal between them they both look more than a little drunk. Bringing up the rear are Kristen and Nonamejane.)
Brandon: (calling from out in the hall) Ready to go kid?
Beth: (calling back) Yes, I just have some loose ends to tie up. (In a normal tone) Get out of my way Scarlett.
Scarlett: No. Don’t you see he’s no good? First he makes Tananda and Angel into alcoholics, (the camera pans over to show Tananda passed out in one corner of the room clutching the bottle of Crown Royal she stole from the ice cream wrestling match) now he’s trying to take you away. I won’t let him.
Beth: (soap opera music swells) You have to let me live my own life Scarlett, I have to make my own choices…and my own mistakes. I’m sorry (Beth brushes past Scarlett, carrying her half filled suitcase and crying. The camera then does a close-up of Scarlett’s sad, worried face and holds it.)
Announcer voice: Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion next time on…All My Immature Children
_______________

Mahna Mahna- Cool! So this is what it's like to fly! ~looks out window and gets nervous~ Um...I feel kinda...sick...
Beth- This is you're first time flyi-
~Angelinhel beats her over the head with the pitchfork~
Angelinhel- You're is you are! Your is possessive! AHHHHHH!
Nonamejane- You know, this might be more fun than I thought.
Tananda- ~crying~ Why did they take the CR? Why?
Brandon- You know, we didn't ASK you to come. You just kind of tagged along.
Scarlett- Well, we kind of HAD to. You wouldn't invite us because of the age thing.
Beth- Tananda...get....Doctor.......please.....bleeding from wounds....your my only hope
Angelinhel- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
_______________

Mahna: Our first song will be..."The Mahna Mahna Song"! Yeah! ::silence. Looks back at her scowling fellow band/cast members:: Come on you guys! They're waiting.
Beth: We had an agreement, Mahna. We start with Mystik Spiral songs to fit with our 'image', no matter how much we hate them.
Tananda: We are "Mystik Cynics", after all.
Scarlett: We really should change the-. Well someone was going to say it!
_______________

(The Mystik Cynics onstage)
Mahna: Hello PPMB forum! Are you ready to rock?!
(someone coughs)
Mahna: We'll take that as a yes! Ok, this next number is a new one I just wrote.
(begins to sing as band starts)
I have spun around so much
I cannot tell the floor from the ceiling...
Um.. that's all I have so far... it's a work in progress. (pause) This is the part where you're supposed to clap.
All: Boo!
Mahna: What, are you all ghosts?

Sleazy manager Brandon stands slightly offstage shaking his head. Thank God that girl's got a huge rack...
_______________

A hospital room
Mahna: ...yes, Tananda, and maybe he'll wake up with amnesia and forget that they gave jell-o.
Tananda: Well he bought that fan, so...
Beth: So you assume he wants to be hit with the box and he might give you *more* alcohol?
Scarlett: That almost sounds plausible. The last part, I mean.
Brandon: Aww, my four girls came to visit me!
Mahna: Don't feel too special.
Tananda: Yeah. She ate your Jell-O!
Doctor coming in: Don't worry, I've stitched up these girls before, ::mutters to self:: although I'm not a real doctor ::aloud:: so pitchforks have become my specialty.
Scarlett: Use the Mental Stitches, pretty please.
_______________

We see a large room with four beds each with a night table beside them and a large fan. Beth, Mahna, Scarlett, and Tananda are each lying in a bed and they all look like they are knocking on death’s door. Various hacking coughs, sneezes, and whining such as “my head hurts” and “I feel like I am about to throw up” can be heard. Tananda picks up a bell from the table next to her bed and rings it.)
Tananda: Brandon! (She rings the bell again) Brandon!
(Brandon comes running into the room looking angry.)
Brandon: What is it this time? I already told you guys, I’m not going to be your servant.
Scarlett: Come on Brandon, you’re the reason we’re sick, the least you can do is get us drinks and stuff.
Brandon: It’s not my fault, it’s Mahna’s, she’s got the badge remember.
Mahna: He does have a…wait a minute; I am not going to take the blame for this one. Brandon’s the one that made us play that outdoor concert even though it was raining; it really is all his fault.
Brandon: Well…um…oh, why can’t you get Greystar to get you drinks? I’m busy, sweethearts.
Beth: Get Greystar to get us drinks? You haven’t read the Dark and Stormy 2 thread, have you?
Brandon: (sighs) All right, I’ll you your drinks. What are you having?
Tananda: Orange juice
Scarlett: Apple juice
Mahna: Hot tea
Beth: Orange and spice tea and while you’re at it could you get me some crab rangoons?
Brandon: rag-whats?
Beth: Rangoons
Brandon: I didn’t see any ran-whatevers in the fridge
Beth: That’s because there aren’t any
Brandon: Then where am I supposed to get some?
Beth: A restaurant?
Brandon: I am not going out on a wild goose chase because of some whim of yours.
(Beth coughs pathetically and fixes Brandon with a puppy dog stare. Brandon throws his hands up in disgust, grabs the keys to the Bethmobile off Beth’s nightstand, and storms out of the room. After he leaves the girls start laughing.)
Tananda: ~laughing like a hyena~ Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!
Scarlett: ~laughing like a maniac~ What are crab rangoons anyway?
(Beth shrugs)
Mahna: ~laughing like a, well, she’s laughing hard~ Payback is sooo sweet
* Later that night *
Brandon: (sounding tired) So what do my girls want for dinner?
Beth: Chicken noodle soup
Scarlett: Vegetable noodle soup
Mahna: Chicken noodle soup
Tananda: A steak, a baked potato, and some of those crab rangoons Beth had earlier.
Brandon: (through gritted teeth) But you four ate all the rangoons I brought earlier.
Tananda: Then go buy some more.
Brandon: But the only place that sells them is a half an hour away from here and it’s raining (as if on cue we hear a clap of thunder), it’s raining pretty hard.
Scarlett: Then you better bring your Technicolor dream umbrella.
(The girls laugh; Brandon closes his eyes and starts counting to forty under his breath.)
Mahna: Oh, and when you get back would you make me some hot chocolate?
Brandon: 39…40 (to Mahna) But I just brought you some hot chocolate.
Mahna: But that’s from a powdered mix, I want homemade hot chocolate.
(Brandon looks like he’s going to explode, but he just turns and walks out the door.)
* A couple days later *
(We see our four heroines in a kitchen. Mahna is making soup, Scarlett is pouring juice, and Tananda is on the phone with a Chinese restaurant asking if they serve crab rangoons. We hear a bell ringing from off screen)
Brandon: Beth! (ring) Tananda! (ring) Mahna! (ring, ring) Scarlett! (ring, ring, ring) You’re slacking off on the job girls.
Scarlett: (carrying a food laden tray and a extra pillow for Brandon) We really didn’t think this out did we?
Beth: (smirking) Oh didn’t we? (She takes the tray from Scarlett and walks it in to Brandon who is smoking one of his Peruvian cigars.) Here you go. Just one thing though…
Brandon: What?
Beth: (plucks the cigar out of his mouth, throws it on the floor, and puts it out with her foot.) No cigars while you’re sick.
Brandon: Noooooo!
_______________

Mahna: Are you sure the audience will like this song? I mean it’s a little…strange.
Beth: Well at least my song is a complete song.
Mahna: And what exactly is that supposed to mean?
(Brandon steps in between the two girls)
Brandon: No time for fighting now, unless you want me to bring out the kiddie pool full of ice cream of course. You four have a show to do.
(The girls run out on stage.)
Mahna: Hello, we’re the Mystik Cyniks and tonight we’re going to be singing something a little different.
(Beth, Tananda, and Scarlett start playing)
Mahna: (singing) Oh everybody’s got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow. Oh, where did we get them I don’t know. Everybody’s got a water buffaloooooooo.
I took my buffalo to the store, and he got his head stuck in the door. Then he spilled some lima beans on the floor. Oh, everybody’s got a water buffaloooooooooo.
(The audience starts booing and throwing rotten produce at the stage. Tananda, Scarlett, and Beth retreat shielding themselves with their instruments and Mahna just stands there looking confused.)
Mahna: huh, another audience full of ghosts, what are the odds?