TANANDARIA SEASON ELEVEN
_______________

(a snowy landscape)
(Every single member of the spam threads gets out of the van.)
Taryn: Snow!!!! (runs off to do wintery snow things like snow angels and stuff)
Tananda: I'm glad we came here. Every kid should experience snow.
Beth: Yeah, but Antarctica? Isn't that kind of overkill?
Scarlett: Well, we needed to release a few of the domesticated wild penguins back into their natural habit. They were acting rabid.
Mahna: One of them bit me. (shudders) The memory....
Taryn: Snow fight! (throws a snowball at Beth's head)
Beth: .... no. Not happening.
Taryn: Oh come on. Please? (gets hit in the back of the head with a snowball) Ow! Hey! (turns around)
DW: Hey, if you can't run with the Big Dogs, stay off the porch.
Woot: What does *that* mean?
DW: ... I don't know. I think I saw it on a Tshirt once.
Cimorene: Snowfight!
(The newbies and semi-newbies and patron cast members run off, throwing snowballs at each other)
Mahna: I guess we'll have to release the penguins ourselves.
(Focus on 7 pet carriers. The carriers are shaking violently and a deep growling sound comes from within.)
Scarlett: Who's gonna open the carrier doors!
Tananda: Not me!
Beth: Nuh-uh!
(Mahna cowers behind Beth)
Tananda: I've got an idea! (calls off into the distance where the snowfight is taking place) Oh Roger!

~The IUF leads Roger over to the rumbling cages, wild angry growls coming from inside them~
Roger- Oh! Penguins!
Mahna- Yep. And all you have to do is let them free.
Tananda- Then, you run.
Scarlett- Run as fast as you can.
Roger- Ok! ~walks into distance to free penguins~
Beth-~to Scarlett and Tananda~ Remember, if anything happens to him, it's not our fault.
Mahna- Right. It's mine.
~screams are heard from Rogers direction~
Roger- Bad penguins! Bad, bad pengui-~high-pitched shriek~
Beth- Nice going, Mahna.
Tananda- Whoa...it's like watching Animal Planet.
Scarlett. Yea. 'When Good Penguins Go Bad', I can see it now....
Beth- Quick! Someone get the camera!
Roger- No loving God could make penguins so evil!
_______________

(We see Qwerty in one of the halls in the cave of bad fiction. He is painting the walls red.)

Qwerty: (singing, to the tune of painting the roses red) Painting the corridors red. Painting the corridors red. Best to do it quickly before someone strikes me dead.

(Taryn comes walking down the hall)

Taryn: What are you doing!?! I thought you signed a peace treaty.

Qwerty: Don’t worry about it. I was told by the IUF to do this, it’s part of the surprise.

Taryn: You know about the surprise!?!

Qwerty: No. but I know of the surprise and I know I’m supposed to help out by painting this hall red. (He goes back to painting and singing.) Painting the corridors red, painting the corridors red…

Taryn: Whatever!

(She walks into the kitchen. Kristen is just taking a pan of muffins out of the oven; Cimorene is standing around and munching on an apple.)

Taryn: (frowns) Muffins? You’re joining the muffin camp?

Kristen: These are raspberry and strawberry celebration muffins ordered by Scarlett for the party.


Taryn: What party?

Kristen: The party for the unveiling of the big surprise.

Taryn: (irritated) What is this surprise everyone is talking about?

Kristen: (shrugs) I don’t know for sure. I just have my suspicions.

Taryn: (leans closer to Kristen) Which are…

Kristen: I can’t tell you. Now help me with the celebration tacos.

Taryn: (momentarily brightens) Tacos! (Curious) Why can’t you tell me about what you think the surprise is though?

Kristen: Because I can’t.

Taryn: Why?

Kristen: Because I can’t.

Taryn: Why?

Kristen: (sharply) Because I can’t, all right?

Taryn: But why can’t you?

(Kristen turns to Taryn looking murderous. Cimorene, who has been quiet the whole time, speaks up.)

Cimorene: I know the answer.

Taryn: (sighs) Forty-two, right? Everything with you is forty-two. I’m just sure the surprise is forty stinking two. (She storms off)

Cimorene: What’s her problem, I was going to tell her I think the surprise is…

(Kristen clamps her hand over Cimorene’s mouth.)

Kristen: Shhh, it’s too early in the story to give away what the surprise is to the audience yet.

Cimorene: (looks at the camera, muffled) Sorry.

*****
“Ok, Woot,” said Angelinhel. “We’re going to try this again. Repeat after me. Thaaaanks….”

“thx!” said Woot.

“No no no,” Angelinhel said exasperatedly. ‘THX is a theater sound system. It’s ‘thanks‘.”

“thank u.”

Angelinhel hung her head in her hands. “Argh! The grammar!” She suddenly noticed Taryn. “What’s wrong?”

Taryn frowned. “The IUF are planning a surprise, but they didn’t let me in on it.”

Angelinhel looked thoughtful. “Yeah, that is kinda weird. Don’t worry. I’m sure they’re keeping it secret for a reason.”

“i kno what it is!”

“They told you?” Tarn asked jealously.

“yup”

“I can’t stand it,” Taryn sighed. “I’m going to go see if I can weedle it out of somebody”

As Taryn left, Angelinhel turned her attention back to Woot. “Ok, now say ‘newbie’.”

“nooB!”

“Oh my Galen….” Angelinhel sighed.

“u look sad or somthin. U want a candy cane?” Woot dug around in her pockets for one.

“…..please.”

*****
“If I had a hammer…. I’d hammer in the morning…. I’d hammer in the evening…. All over this laaannnd…..”

“Mahna, you *have* a hammer. It’s over there”

“Oh. Darn, now I have to pick a new song.”

Taryn walked up to Beth and Mahna who were hard at work doing…. well, she couldn’t tell what. But they *did* have tools and overalls on.

“How about ‘Whistle While You Work’?” Taryn suggested.

“Don’t give her any ideas,” said Beth.

“Ya building something?” Taryn asked.

“Ah ah ah,” Mahna chastised. “Not telling!”

“But you told Wooooot!” whined Taryn.

Mahna shuffled her feet. “I know, but we really shouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“Please?”

“Sorry,” said Beth. “Maybe we can help though!”

“Yeah,” said Mahna. “Taryn, do you know the Muffin Girl?”

“The Muffin Girl?”

“The Muffin Girl. Do you know the muffin girl who lives in Corridor Pink?”

“You’re talking about Scarlett, right?”

“Yeah,” said Beth.

“Good. For a second I though there was some weird nursery rhyme person hiding out in the cave. So, Scarlett will tell me what’s going on?”

“Probably not,” said Mahna. “But we need you to pry someone else for information rather than us. We’re kinda busy.”

“Oh, fine.” Taryn stormed towards the pink corridor. She’d get to the bottom of this.
*****
"Painting the roses red. We're painting the roses red. We dare not stop. Or waste a drop So let the paint be spread. We're painting the roses red. We're painting the roses red.” Taryn heard being sung from somewhere far inside the Cave.

“Ookay, then. Someone’s been taking their Anti-Chill Pills.” She knocked on Scarlett’s door, looking around at the bright pink corridor.

“One minute!” She heard from the other side before the door opened.

“What happened to you?” Taryn asked upon seeing Scarlett covered head to toe in red paint.

Scarlett looked at her strangely. “Nothing.” She replied, wandering back into the room. Taryn followed, seeing dropcloths and cans of paint everywhere.

“Nomad and Qwerty get in here?” Taryn smirked.

“Ugh. Yes. They’re trying to paint the corridor red.” Scarlett lightly kicked a can of paint and shook her head. “So what’s up?”

“Nothing really. Want a muffin?” Taryn held a pink muffin out to Scarlett.

“Ooh. Sure. Thanks.” Wiping her hands on a towel, she took the muffin and tried it. “Mmm. There’s no escame from…The Muffin.”

Taryn smiled a bit. “Glad you like it. So tell me, what’s going on here that’s being kept secret?”

Scarlett rolled her eyes. “I told you! I’m not telling you what’s in Tunnel C! No, no, no!”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” She glanced at the tiara perched on Scarlett’s head. “You still know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

Scarlett looked around nervously. “Do you hear the phone? The pizza must be ready!” She stood up from her seat on the couch.

“Tell me, Scarlett! I gave you a muffin!” pleaded Taryn.

Scarlett gasped. “It was…it was just a bribe?! You tried to play on my muffin weakness to get me to talk! For shame, Taryn!”

“But I need to know! Please, Milady?”

“I can’t believe you pretended to be on the muffin side just for information. Traitor! It’s a nice day, isn’t it. For a traitor!” Scarlett blinked. “Okay. So that was an over reaction. But I need to get back to work.”

“Tell me! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!”

“Since you and Tan think so much alike maybe you can find a way to get her to say something – provided she’s not with anyone.” She knelt to open another paint can.

“Hmm. Us being almost the same person might actually come to benefit. Psychological mind games. How fun.” Taryn smirked. “Okay.” She walked through the mess back to the door, hearing Scarlett start to hum the same song she heard earlier. Taryn went back out into the sparkly hall, confident that this plan would work at least a little bit in her favor.

*****
Taryn found Tananda in the dining cave room, eating apple pir. She plopped down in front of her and gave her puppy eyes.

“Tananda!” Taryn pouted, “I want to know the secret! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, te-”

“Nuh-uh. I’m not allowed to. Not yet.”

“Why not?”

“ ‘Cause it’s a secret for only us four IUF members.” Tananda said importantly, digging back into her pir.

“Then why does Woot know?” Taryn pried, “You told Woot and not your own ‘Siamese twin’?”

“It was Mahna’s fault.”

Taryn rolled her eyes.

“Seriously, it was! She’s the one that told!”

“Then what about Kristen and Qwerty? Why do they know?”

“They don’t! They just think they do.” Tananda pointed out, still chomping on her pir.

“Ok, That’s it.” Taryn snatched away the pir and held it out of Tananda’s reach, “Tell me or the pie gets it!”

“The pir! Don’t hurt the pir!” Tananda screamed, grabbing desperately for her food.

“Tell me, or I’ll drop it.” Taryn tilted the pie threateningly, and Tananda turned frantic.

“Ok, ok! The secret is that the IUF-”

At that moment Scarlett, Beth, and Mahna came dashing into the room, all covered in red paint.

“It’s done, it’s done!” Beth shouted, grinning like crazy.

“It looks great, and everything’s organized and everyone is waiting and-” Scarlett cut Mahna off with a loud, excited yelp and dragged Tananda and Taryn towards Tunnel A, the sounds of a party echoing through the empty halls.

When they got there, Taryn was surprised. There were cherry and strawberry muffins, red punch, red cake, tacos galore, and candy canes, courtesy of Woot. Taryn was really frustrated at this point, especially after seeing all the cast there, and surrounding a white sheet blocking a cave wall.

“Ok. That’s it.” Taryn said loudly, “Spill the secret, or I let Kevo free.”

Ranger Thorne screamed and ducked beneath the refreshments table. Nomad snickered and was kicked by Huggy.

“Shush! They’re ready to tell us!” Huggy told him, earning himself a smile from the ‘IUF’.

“Yes, yes we are ready to tell.” Tananda grinned. She started to explain, looking right at a totally confused Taryn.

“Mahna, Beth, Scarlett, and myself have been working on this for awhile now. We worked long and hard preparing everything, with the help of a few cast members.”

"It all started with a post of Tananda's, and it all ended with an extra special promotion!" Beth continued.

"Yep." Scarlett said, eyeing at the muffins longingly, "There will only be one promotion like this ever in the history of Tanandaria."

“Arg! Stop dragging this on! Tell me tell me tell me tell me!” Taryn reached for Kevo’s cage, and everyone’s eyes went wide.

“Patience, Taco girl!” Tananda said dramatically, pausing for effect,“As I was saying, Taryn, you’ve done so much for Tanandaria! Pictures, stories, just being wild and wacky-”

“So we decided that IUF could stand for many things Infamous Unserious Four being one of them, and Infamous Unserious Five being another…”

Beth ripped away the white sheet, and a Crimson Corridor was in everyone’s sight, colored like Taryn’s hair.


“We all voted and ta-da! You qualify to be apart of the IUF, the Infamous Unserious Five, one of us!”

Mahna pointed to Beth, who was starting a new story in her emergency notepad, Tananda, who was twitching and grinning, and Scarlett, who was hovering over the muffins and growling at anyone who came too close.

“Wow. I’m sure whether to be depressed or happy that you consider me one if you.” Taryn said.

“I was depressed at first, but you get over it once you try the blue pills.” Beth told her, “So, what do say? Join the IUF?”

Taryn thought about it for a moment, then opened her mouth and replied.