TANANDARIA SEASON SIXTEEN
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(The crew is gathered around Beth's little known minion, Tux, as we all sing 'Happy Birthday')

All: --birthday dear Tux, happy birthday to you!

(Tux blows out candles on an ice cream cake, then Angelinhel starts to cut it as the others wait for their piece.)

Tananda: Nice of you to throw a party for Tux, Beth.

Beth: It's the least I can do, especially after....you know, last week.

Scarlett: Who knew fake penguins could go without food so long?

Mahna: (suddenly) What are we going to do for my birthday?

Tananda: (surprised) Where did that come from?

Mahna: Well, Tux's party sort of reminded me that my B-day's coming up in a few months, so what are we going to do?

Taryn: (thoughtful) Huh....good question....when is it?

Mahna: (receiving her piece of cake) I can't tell you. That's why I'm wondering what we're gonna do!

Kristen: Well, Mahna, we can't really do anything unless you give us a date.

Tananda: (receiving her piece of cake) Unless...... oh, wait, no. We don't have one of those time manipulating dealies. I guess you'll just have to tell us your birth date.

Mahna: But I've tried so hard to maintain anonymity! I can't give up now!

Ranger: Paranoid teenage girls don't get parties.

Woot: Or presents.

Taryn: Or cake.

Mahna: Oh, fizzleschit. (frowns and sighs) I'll come up with a date. It might not be the exact date, but it'll be ....something.

[Later, in Mahna's room, Mahna sits at her writing desk, writing ideas down in a notebook]

Mahna: ....no that won't work. April Fool's Day? Oh...that would've been perfect , if only it wasn't seven days ago.

[She taps her pencil on the desk]

Mahna: Of course, I could give them my real birth date and say it was fake......naw, somebody would realize.......Ugh. (pause) Wait! I got it!

[She picks up the notebook and charges into the recreational room where the majority of Tanandarians are hanging out]

Mahna: My birthday is April 31!

Tananda: Seriously?

Taryn: Woo! She finally told us something about herself!

Beth: Yeah, I....wait. April 31?

Mahna: April 32 would have been too obvious.

Scarlett: There's no such thing as April 31, is there?

Angel: Nope.

Taryn: Unless.......does that mean your birthday is May 1st? I mean, that's the day after the 30th.....

Mahna: Nope. Not even close.

Kristen: Well, smarty, how exactly are we supposed to celebrate a birthday on a date that doesn't exist?

Mahna: (pauses to think) Oh, Ford. (tosses notebook on the floor grumpily) I give up! Just fire birthday wishes, presents, and parties at will. (leaves)

Tananda: (calling after her) Keep that attitude up and all you'll get is a lump of coal in your stocking!!

Scarlett: That's Christmas.

Tananda: Whatever.

*****
Kristen: Happy un-birthday, Mahna! (hands her a wrapped box)

Mahna: (unwraps gift) Hey, cool! A box of chocolates! (opens box) Uh, this is empty.

Kristen: (runs away)
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The Easter Special

(All Tanandarians are gathered around the IUF. Everyone holds a multicolored easter basket)

Tananda: Ok, here are the rules of the egg hunt. Each egg holds candy in it. Each egg is color coordinated with its owner's Tanandaria hair. You may not pick up anyone else's eggs but your own. Questions?

(LS raises his hand)

Mahna: Lawndale Stalker?

LS: What if you don't have a Tanandaria hair color?

Taryn: You have two options.

Scarlett: You can either look for eggs in your normal hair color....

Beth:....which we don't advise. Looking for brunette colored eggs gets too hard and you can't tell if the egg is yours or someone else's.

Mahna: You get into all these fights about beige brown and chocolate brown....Eggs would be thrown, people get their heads dunked in dye....I've seen it all before. It wouldn't be pretty.

Scarlett: ...or, preferably, you can let us dye your hair wild colors like they should've been in the first place!

Kristen: I don't want chocolate that badly! (walks away)

Mahna: Any other questions?.....No?........Ok! Happy Hunting!

(Everyone leaves, but the IUF, who hang around to talk. Taryn picks up Kevo, who is shaking a little.)

Taryn: Man, what's with Kevo? He's acting weird....

Mahna: (shrugs) Beats me. (turns to Beth) The egg hunt was a good idea, Beth.

Taryn: Yeah, if you like slaving away all weekend hiding 20 eggs each for 40 people around the cave, sure. (sees the look on Beth's face) Which.... we do! Heh...heh....

Scarlett: It's a cute idea, but who came up with the idea for the Easter baskets? That was so sweet finding a basket full of muffins beside my bed this morning!

Beth: You always have a muffin basket by your bed every morning.

Scarlett: Yeah, well, this basket was better.

Tananda: Yeah, I got one too. Whose idea was that?

Beth: Wasn't me.

Taryn: Yeah, I thought Mahna did it!

Mahna: Oh sure! Blame me for.....oh wait, that's a good thing to be blamed for. I didn't do it, though.

Scarlett: But who did it?

Taryn: I don't know. (Strokes Kevo, who is still shaking) Calm down , Kevo! You.....wait.... He's acting almost like he's afraid.

Beth: Afraid of what?

Taryn: Well, see, that's the thing....he's only afraid of.....bunnies.

(Insert ominous variation on the song 'Peter Cottontail')

Mahna: So you think the person that did our baskets was.....him?

Taryn: No, Kevo's not that thoughtful.

Tananda: Not him! She means....the Easter Bunny....

Scarlett: Pfft. He doesn't exist.

Mahna: Or does he......(thinks) ....No, wait, he doesn't.

Beth: Well then who was it?
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(Angelinhel sits in a comfy chair in front of a fireplace, stroking a cat.)

Angelinhel: Good evening, and welcome to Behind the Hair Dye: A in-depth look at the making of Tanandaria. I'm Kristin, and I'm.....stroking a cat...for some reason. (calls off stage) Girls, what's with the set and the cat?

Scarlett: (off stage) We want to get a cozy, 'Masterpiece Theater' vibe going!

Angel: That doesn't explain the cat.

Tananda: (OS) We could get you Kevo if you wan--

Angel: NO! No. The cat is fine. (turns back to the audience) Tanandaria is a fake show that blends internet reality and Daria reality, but few people realize that there were other shows in the running for partnership besides Daria. One, you may have never expected.


(roll clip: "The Beth Ann Bunch")

(As the cast sings, they are shown in medium size boxes around the screen.)

Cast: Here's the story.... of a girl named Beth Ann....who was writing a Jane-as-a-girl-scout-fic...... she met Tan and Scarl...offered them cameos.... and they said yes really quick.....


(clip montage)
*****
(Scarlett gets hit in face with muffin)

Scarlett: Oh, my nose...hit that poor, poor muffin! (cradles it in her arms)

*****
Mahna: (holding up matching jumpsuits) Oh come on. Let's sing at the talent show so we can buy the silver platter for Roger and Kristen!

Tananda: (singing) When it's time to change, then it's time to *change* (voice cracks)!

Mahna: .....we'll get them a card.

*****
Beth: Guys, I have some bad news.

Rest of IUF: What? What is it?

Beth: (holds up mangled piece of cloth) Kevo ate Kitty Carry-All.

Tananda: NOOOOOOOO!

*****
Taryn: Mahna, Mahna, Mahna!

*****
Angelinhel: The show never panned out, but the cast had a few more ideas up their sleeves.......

*****
(roll clip: "Stalker Days")

Doo wop group: Sunday, Monday, Stalker Days! Tuesday, Wednesday, Stalker Days! Thursday, Friday, Stalker Days! Saturday! What a day! Stalking the cast of Happy Days with youuuuuuu!!!!

(clip montage)
Tananda: Fonzie, the jukebox trick is cool, but I just don't think it will work here.

Fonzie: Heh, we'll just see about that ! (leans against the cave's stereo system and bangs his fist in to it)

(The stereo crashes to the floor.)

Mahna: YOU BROKE MY CD PLAYER! You.... you.....WAHHHH!!

Fonzie: (confused and apologetic).......ayy?

Tananda: (hugging a sobbing Mahna) You'd better try another trick. Fast.

Fonzie: Okay...this one never fails: my girl-calling snap. (snaps his fingers)

(Dakota, the IUF's little minion child, rushes to his side.)

Dakota: Hiya mister!

Fonzie: .... I'm going back to Arnold's.

*****
Roger: Sit on it, Kristen.

Kristen: Sit on it, Mahna.

Mahna: Sit on it, Ranger.

Ranger: Sit on it, Potsie.

Potsie: Sit on it, Beth.

Beth: Sit on it, Scarlett.

Scarlett: I already am.

(All raise their eyebrows)

Taryn: I wasn't aware there was an 'it' to sit on.

Scarlett: There isn't? But then, what....never mind. I don't want to know.

*****
Taryn: NO! Don't do it Kevo! It's too dangerous!

Kevo: (as he does a water ski jump over a shark) KEVOOOOO!!!

*****
(cut back to fireplace room)

Angelinhel: Sadly, as Kevo jumped the shark, so did the idea of "Stalker Days". There was something missing, and it just didn't seem to fit well with the cast.

*****
(cut to picture of Mahna and Tananda holding Joanie/Chachi signs and Taryn and Beth holding Evil Chachi banners. All of them look confused and/or apathetic.)

Beth: (sounds overly rehearsed) You switched my IUFMB avatar to a picture of Joanie and Chachi kissing. Oh. I am outraged.

Tananda: Um, yeah. Wah wah wah....I guess.

*****

Angelinhel: It just didn't work.
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Woot-The thing is that my real name *is* monique. that's wats so funny about it....but dun ever call me monique.....i'll sick Crasch on you

Ranger Thorne: Who's Crasch?

Woot- My evil little minion

Ranger Thorne- Oh.....okay.....*starts to walk away quickly*

Woot- wait...where are you going? HE WANTS TO SAY HI!!!

Crasch- CRASCH!! *chases lawn gnomes*
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"Where are the elephants?"
"There're no animals in this circus. Just weird bendy people."
"Cool!"
"Kevo! Don't eat that! They need those hoops to dance with!"
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