TANANDARIA SEASON THREE
_______________

Birthdays and Inside Jokes

(Party over here! Woo Woo! Party over there! Woo! Woo!)
All: Happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Beth..
Happy birthday to you!
Tananda: And many morrrrrree!
Roger: Did someone call me?
Scarlett: (continuing from Tananda) on channel fourrrr!
Tananda: And Scooby Doo on channel twoooo!
Mahna Mahna: And a opera lady on channel eightyyyy!
Tananda: And Seventh Heaven... on channel elevennn!
Scarlett: And a blue.... oh heck with it. This is getting old. Let's just eat the cake.
Beth: Finally!
(They do, until it's time to open presents)
Tananda: (handing Beth a present) Ok this one's from Mahna Mahna.
Mahna: It's a prop from one of my upcoming fics!
Beth: Yay! (She unwraps it. It's a book.) Ha ha. Funny. Thanks, but what use would I get out of this? I'm not that.. (points at a word in the title)... or that (points to another word)... and why the heck would I want to go to Nova Scotia?
Mahna: Hey. If I become famous, that could be worth money someday.
Tananda: My turn! My turn! (hands Beth her oddly shaped gift)
(Beth unwraps it)
Beth: A domesticated wild penguin!!
Tananda: His name is Tux, and he has almost all of his shots. Just don't make him too angry till he gets the rest.
Beth: I'll remember that. Thanks!
Scarlett: (hands her gift box) This one's from me.
(Beth opens it up)
Beth: There's nothing in here.
Scarlett: It's a mental gift!
Mahna: Why would you get her a mental gift?
Scarlett: Because it's the thought that counts.
_______________

"Beth's Birthday Song"
We celebrate today 'cause
Beth's birthday is soon
We're playing her this song
Out under the moon
The song's not long
We have no gong
But we play it for her birthday...
_______________

Revenge II
*************
(at a restaurant)
Tananda's Brother (TB): Man it sure was nice of you to take me and my friends out to dinner, 'specially after we broke your costume.
Tananda: Hey no problem. Excuse me, I have to... uh... go to the bathroom.
TB: What's that clapping noise in the distance?
Tananda: It's not singing waiters, if that's what you're thinking!
TB: Oh, ok good.
_______________

"This is the story that never ends!
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started out, just writing as a joke.
But it lives on forever,
enough to make you choke...
This is the story that never ends!
It just goes on and on my friends..."
_______________

At a grocery store
"I don't believe this. Why did we have to bring her with us?" Beth asked Mahna, looking at Tananda who was smelling melons.
"I know, it's so embarrassing, what with her new condition and all." Mahna watched intently as Tananda began checking tomatoes for bruises.
"It'll be fine if we just strap her to the bottom shelf of the cart." Scarlett said. "Jeez. Look at her. I can't watch; it makes me too sad."
Tananda began laughing with a middle-aged woman over the bakery items.
"This must be stopped. Come on Tananda, we're going to a different aisle now." Mahna gently pulled her arm.
"It was lovely talking to you, Madam. Good luck with your son's party!"
"Ookay. Come on." Beth grabbed her other arm, leading her down the medication aisle.
"You know, I'm thinking about dying my hair back to its original color. And I'm quitting the band. Music is no way to get ahead in life." Tananda looked to Mahna and Beth, both with freaked-out looks on their faces, and then behind her at Scarlett who was searching the shelves.
"Ah! Here we go! Anti-Chill. Guaranteed to decrease sanity for ten years." She pulled a bottle off the shelf.
"I am embarrassed by my constant begging to be in other people's stories. I need to stop that immediately." Tananda said matter-of-factly.
"Now you've gone too far. Give me the freaking bottle, Scarlett." Beth broke the seal and shoved three pills down Tananda's throat.
"Put her in the cart until we get to the checkout. It takes a minute." Mahna said and helped Beth put Tananda in the loaded shopping cart.
"Hey Angelinhel! Taryn! What're you guys doing here?" Beth asked the cashier and bagger.
"Stake out. For the penguins." Angelinhel said, eyes down, hair under a hat.
"The pierced ones have been causing a...a bit of trouble in grocery store toothpaste aisles across Mahetrlanda and neighboring towns. But that's all we can say for now. It's supposed to be covert." Taryn said, also slightly disguised.
Angelinhel finished ringing everything up. "Sixty-seven boxes of Stalker Snacks, with the owners' discount that'll be 13.72."
Mahna, Beth and Scarlett looked at each other questioningly.
"Uh, okay." Scarlett paid.
Out in the parking lot, Tananda smiled. "Yeah. I stole the Anti-Chill pills. That was scary earlier! I needed to do something un-nice to counteract it. And these are ridiculously expensive anyway."
_______________

It was eleven-thirty at night, and Daria was getting ready for bed. The doorbell rang, and as no one else was home, having been sent away a long time ago, Daria went to answer it.
"Subject A is moving! Over." A female voice said in to a walkie-talkie from Daria's closet. "She's headed to you!"
Daria opened the door and the girl on the other side taped her mouth while another one bungeed down from the ceiling, trapping Daria in a big net.
"Oh crap." Daria thought, "They're back. And in black and ski masks so no one will see or recognize them outside. If I say anything about them this time, people will think I'm turning into Artie. Dammit."
The girl from upstairs joined them. "Wow. It actually worked!" The three carried the netted Daria out to a waiting van. They all climbed in.
"Step on it, Beth!" The captors took off their masks.
"We go her!" Beth said. "Yes!"
"I *told* you we didn't have to be Greystar's Angels like Angelinhel and Taryn to do cool spy stuff." Mahna said excitedly.
"Stalker Snack, Daria?" Scarlett held out a box. "Oh, that's right, net. Never mind."
"Hey Daria! Remember me? Do ya? I was a pizza girl, and you came and visited me when I was stabbed, and-" Scarlett shoved a blue pill down Tananda's throat; Tananda passed out, muttering about Daria's perfection.
Daria looked thoroughly scared, possibly for the first time in her life.
_______________

The Tom Song
You're a guy dressed in gray
You can always pay
You're the best and you always pull me out of the hay
I'm thinking of you
Oh, I tie my left shoe
I love you Tom, you stop me from being blue
_______________

HOW THEY CAME TO BE PART OF THE CAST:
BETH ANN:
(we see the Morgendorffer’s eating breakfast. Jake is reading the paper, Helen is on her cell phone, and Quinn is hidden behind a copy of Waif. At least it looks like Quinn at first glance, but if you look closer you can see the stray freckle or two and two blue eyes poking out over top of the magazine. Daria comes into the room and sits down across from the pseudo Quinn.)
Daria: Who is that?
Jake: That’s Quinn, kiddo. You feeling all right?
Daria: That is not Quinn, Quinn has brown eyes and she certainly would rather be caught dead than appear without her makeup.
(Beth the Quinn impersonator looks up guiltily.)
Beth: O.K. so I’m not Quinn, I only wanted to see you Daria. I love your show so much.
Daria: Security!
(the dining room is shown to be a set in a soundstage somewhere. A big burly man comes and carries Beth away.)
Beth: Nooooooo! I you can’t take me away, I have to be near her, I love her! Daaaaariiiaaaa!
(Beth is literally thrown out of the studio. She lands on top of a girl in pizza delivery girl uniform.)
Tananda: Ow! Watch it, your sitting on my neck.
Beth: Shouldn’t that be standing on your neck?
Tananda: No, you’re….you’re a Daria fan!
Beth: Daria stalker, actually.
Tananda: Perfect! You interested in a job as a getaway driver?

Beth: Really? Cool!
_______________

2 for 1 Tanandaria: The Hospital and Real Life

(Mahna is in a doctor's uniform. The others watch, as she tries to spark life into the dying Spam thread)
Mahna: No! I will not let this thread die! Live, darn you! Live!!
(tries to do CPR, but isn't quite sure how to give mouth-to-mouth to a forum thread)
Mahna: (dramatically) I didn't want to have to play God today!
Tananda: I did. (looks at watch) I was supposed to meet with LS for poker twenty minutes ago.
*****
(Later, in real life, Mahna sits in History class... in which she is the only girl. Yes, that's right. The only one. Pity me!)
(The teacher has just passed out candy to a winning team. The boy in front of Mahna looks around.)
Boy #1: Where'd my Crunch go? Seriously! Somebody stole it! C'mon guys, give it back!
Boy #2: Mahna Mahna did it.
Mahna: I'm just everyone's favorite scapegoat even in real life, aren't I?
Boy #3: Huh?
Mahna: I'm not in a fake online TV shows about people obsessed with Daria, if that's what you're thinking!
Boy #1: Seriously, where's my Crunch?
_______________

(We see the outside of Mr. Moore’s house, hiding in the bushes are Tananda, Mahna, Scarlett, and Beth all decked out in fatigues their hair stuffed up in ski caps. Roger comes out of his house and the girls jump him)
Beth: (As they’re tying him up so he can be easily transported) I love your stories Mr. Moore!
Tananda: (attempting shove some tranquilizers down his throat) Me too!
Scarlett: (helping Beth with the ropes) Omega Jane was awesome.
Beth: I was in that you know.
Mahna: No you weren’t.
(Beth lets go of Roger and the rope, takes a tape measurer out of her pocket, and holds it up to her hair.)
Beth: See, it’s a yard long…um..almost. I was the scalp in the trash can.
Mahna: But your hair is blue!
Beth: Well, it used to be red.
Scarlett: Didn’t you read the story? The scalp was Quinn’s.
(Beth’s lower lip quivers)
Beth: Don’t spoil my dreams; the scalp was me, o.k.? The scalp was me.
Tananda: (letting go of Roger to comfort Beth) I believe you, I was in the story too. I’m in all his stories.
Mahna: No you’re…
(Roger breaks free of Mahna and Scarlett’s grip and takes off running down the street. Scarlett calmly takes a tranquilizer gun out of her pocket and shoots him. He drops like a sack of potatoes.)
Scarlett: (putting away the gun) I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. (She turns to Tananda) You do know you aren’t in all his stories, right?
Tananda: Well I was a background character in Diane Long’s story.
Beth: I still don’t see that.
Tananda: She had green hair!
Beth: It was pea green though, not Tanandaish green.
Tananda: It WAS me I tell you! Where was I in this? I was there, right there in the picture!
(Her companions sigh and the four girls walk down the street to pick up Roger and drag him into the Tankette.)
Mahna: Where are we going to keep him anyway?
Tananda: In my attic with some penguins for company, it’ll be the perfect place for him. What could go wrong?
_______________

Mahna: The only way I'd skip over an author's story is if every summary 'looKeD liK Dis!' or said 'Daria/Trent', but that's just me.
Scarlett: You do read Sophia Moonstone, correct?
Mahna: A little, but I gotta tell ya, that spelling gives me a headache, so I don't read it all that much.
(Scarlett gasps, then starts choking)
Mahna: (worriedly) Anyone know the Heimlich?
Tananda: No, but maybe if you hum a few bars.....