TANANDARIA SEASON SEVEN
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Beth: Guys? Hello? Where did everybody go?
Random Ostrich: Does that matter? They're not here with you, are they?
Beth: Well, no. But I'm sure they'll come back.
RO: Are you really sure about anything? You're talking to an ostrich, remember.
B: Scarlett once talked to- Good point. ::looks around, confused::
RO: That's better. Now you will become your super heroine. Think blue...think blue...think blue....
::Beth falls asleep::
From inside RO: Get off me Woot! My shoulders! You’re standing on my neck! (etc.)
From the side of the room
Mahna (eating popcorn): Good thing we got the newbies to do that.
Scarlett: Damn entertaining, if you ask me.
Taryn: We didn't ask you, Sophia.
(Scarlett makes a face)
Tananda: Don't make me delete Kevo, you two
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Tananda- Um...Woot...
Woot- Woot Queen of the Candy canes to you, green-haired girl!
Tananda- um...yea...can I make a suggestion?
Woot- No! I am Queen, and I control everything! Mwahahahahaha!
Tananda- Well, soon, you'll have nothing left to control.
Woot- What? What do you, AH!
~Woot turns around in her throne and sees an army of Kevoettes eating all the Candy canes~
Candy cane- Ow! I thought it didn't have teeth!
Tananda- So did I, then it bit me.

Woot: u....u...made them eat my throne....... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Tananda: “U” shouldn't have been rude to me!
Woot: I'm sorry......can i have my throne back?
Tananda: Maybe......I'll think about it
Woot: I promise i won't be mean to All mighty Tananda!
Tananda: Hmmmmm....
*tananda taps her chin in thought*
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Victim- Help! Help! Save me Qwerty the Master of The Mysti ~gets tongue-tied and starts sputtering~
Qwerty the Master of the Mystic Magics- You mean...Qwerty the Master of the Mystic Magics?
Victim- Yea! Saaave me!
Qwerty the Master of the Mystic Magics- Ask nicely. And say my name right.
Victim- ~tongue-tied saying name~
Qwerty the Master of the Mystic Magics- Your loss. ~flies off~
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Team Post-it!
Sinister looking man with a handle bar mustache and a cape: Muahahahaha! I have finally found a way to defeat Team Post-it! Muahahahahah>slap< What the...
(he turns around to see team post it standing above him, Tananda/ Taryn stand on wither side of him, hands raised as if they just slapped him)
Tananda: care to make a bet?
Kevo: KevvooooO!
Scarlett: Hi-ya! (she flips down and lands neatly in front of the sinister man, the others follow suit)
I.U.F.: Team Post It! Unite! ( they all bring out necklaces with tiny blocks of color, they push them all together to form a multicolored computer)
Mahna: Baby Blue Bomber! hurry! Use the posty PC to post our story and tell the world!
Baby Blue: *sigh* (grumbling) I have to write SEVEN stories, be a super hero, volunteer at the library, and now they want me to write about our adventures...

*****
Scarlett: Hurry Pancake baker! Grab that post perisher's scissors!
Mahna: You know, I really don't like that name.
Post Padder: Not important! You have to say me Pancake!
Mahna: That is the most idio-
Cheesy announcer: Oh no! The evil post perishers have captured purple pancake baker! What will our heroes do!?
Zap! Pow! Wham!
(We see all of our heroes surrounded by the unconscious post perishers)
Tananda: HaHAHAHAHAHA! I am Post-Padder! You cannot defeat Team Post-it and me!
Beth: Now, that's what I call a sticky situation!
All: (laughing hard)
Mahna: What? That didn't even make since! You all are crazy! Crazy!!!
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*Taryn pulls out little book*
Name: Mahna Mahna Mahna
Eyes: Blue
Sex: Female
Can drive, probably fifteen to twenty.
*closes book*
Soon, I will find you...

~Grabs Woot and pushes her against wall~
Tananda- spill.
Woot- I don't know nothin'!
Tananda- Yea right.
Woot- Ok, ok! I'll tell you everything I know...where to start?
Tananda- I want to know her full name and address. NOW.
Woot- ok, Mahna's real name is...

(Mahna turns to Woot.)
Mahna: Oh dear. My internet friends are stalking each other.
Woot: Mm.
Mahna: Well, at least they don't know who *I* am.
Woot: Mm.
(long pause)
Mahna: You told them everything, didn't you?
Woot: They had cash. And cookies.

sneaks up behind Mahna*
Taryn: Hi there.
Mahna: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Taryn: So... does this mean we can be best friends?
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Two guys, one with Technicolor hair and coat, the other with highlighter yellow hair are standing casually against a door as various people walk by.
"After this one, we run." The yellow haired one muttered to the other.
The Technicolor-hair guy nodded. "Okay."
The crew-person carrying an abstract painting of Kevo finally passed.
"Okay. Now!" The two burst through the door out into the city-type country beach landscape surrounding the studio, only to be jumped by two girls.
"We've got 'em!" Scarlett said into a walkie-talkie.
"You two thought you'd get away? How cute." Mahna laughed.
"Dammit all!" Thihm started crying.
"We've driven them to tears!" Scarlett raised her arms in triumph, in effect allowing her captive to escape.
"I'm outta here." Brandon said, fleeing like a rabid monkey.
"No!" The two girls took off after him.
"Hmm. I guess I'm free to go." THM cackled evilly. "Now I can start my villainous reign of Mahetrlanda! Ahaha! Ahaha!"
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Qwerty master of Mystic Magics casts a spell that turns Scarlett into a copy of Quinn just for the heck of it.

Scarlett: ::is horrified:: quh-werty! That is so… (exasperatedly screamsighs. storms off)

Beth: That is sooooo wrooong. Yoooou can't have the Taaanandaaariaa members aaaacting like the faaaashion cluuub

Qwerty: Qwerty master of Mystic Magics incants once again
(Beth Ann becomes a Tiffany copy and Angelinhel becomes a Stacy copy.)

Scarlett: Which is my best side? I know they're- WHAT? I do not have pores! My pores are cute! ::freaks out:: Help me! I'm trapped in Quinn's-MY PORES ARE POPULAR!

Elizabeth: Gee Scarlett, it is a shame that you only care about your own pores and not anybody else's. <freaks out> Oh, no. I'm in Sandi's body!

Scarlett: Oh Elizabeth, I would never not care about anybody else's pores; not when you have such cute pores.

Qwerty: All I can say is thank goodness for clone spells. (Starts working on really good disguise spell.)

Beth: ~whispers to Elizabeth~ Yooour pores are sooo much cuter thaan Scarleett's. ~walks over to Scarlett, whispers in her ear~ Eveeryboody knoows yoour pores are the cuutest Scaaaarlett.

Elizabeth: Gosh Scarlett, how do you do it? Here we are, complimenting your perfect pores and you're unselfishly thinking about how you can improve the pores over others. I mean, my pores are better than yours, but you're probably just trying to get me worked up so that you can take over the Fashion Club.

Scarlett: But Eliizabeth! We're not in a Fashion Club! Not that it's a bad idea or anything, and if we were you would definitely be president, and I'd never try to take it over!

Qwerty master of Mystic Magics: (buries his face in his hands and moans from a safe distance)
"What have I Done?".

Krysten: oh dear god, they've become possessed by the fashion club (looks at Mahna's shiny shiny metal) this is all you fault.

Scarlett: Kryysten! We're like, actually blaming qwerty for this one! Mahna would never make herself Brooke! And we told you cheerleading makes you uncute! ::shakes her head:: I try and try to help all people, but sometimes they just look, like, empty-headed, or something. ::fixes her makeup and goes back to the search::

Krysten: You made me Brittany? Oooooo, I'll get you. But first I need to find my Kevvie. Oh there you are Kevvie! (runs off)

Scarlett: Run? Gaa-ahd! Sweating is sooo not cute.

Elizabeth: Running? Doesn't that make you all sweaty and become you un-un- I can't say that word!

Beth: Kryyyysten what you doooing? Ruuuuning, Ewwww!

Scarlett: In a cheerleader's uniform! One never mixes primary colors for any reason, except if you're at a primary-colors party and you really want to stand out and not show dip stains or something.

Beth: You are soooo right Scaaarlett. Mixing primary colors is soooo wrooong.

Scarlett: No, Tiffany! Primary colors do not make you look fat! You look really really cute!

Elizabeth: Yes Tiffany, you look really cute; and nobody should wear two primary colors together unless they are at a Fashion Don'ts Gala. <Turns her head> Now which is my best side? I know they both look good.

Mahna: Do you like my new face? I just got it done. It's not too pretty, is it?

Beth: Nooo, Maaahna it's perfectly cuuute. Ewww Taryyyn, you sooound like thaat weeird art giiirl Quiin's coousin haaangs oout with.

Mahna: But what about my lips? They aren't too luscious, are they? Eep! The fat is slipping down! (runs back to Dr. Shar's to get it fixed)

Angelinhel: "Oh Sandi, I would never say that Quinn...actually, Quinn would be a better president and you can just kiss my butt and call it ice cream. I'm outta here. Come on guys."

Scarlett: Thank you Stacy! You aren't going to try to like, dress like me again, are you? "Cause that would be really embarrassing if we both wore the same thing to the same place or something.


Scarlett walks up to Angel and Beth looking at something on the ground. She comes around and sees what they're looking at.
"EEEEEEWWWWW!"
Angel looks at her, twirling her flaming pitchfork. "Stacy my a$$."
"Yeah you're much more like San- I'll shut up now." Beth adds quickly.
"And I already had my 3 Js. Doesn't qwerty pay attention?" Angel turns to walk away.
"Someone should clean that up." Scarlett says.
"Not me." Beth replies and they walk off.


Scarlett, Beth and Elizabeth look over to where Angel stands- Wyvern, Greystar, and Brandon next to her.
She raises and eyebrow. "If you're waiting for me to gush about how you all have perfect pores and I couldn't possibly measure up, it ain't happening."
Wyvern leans over "Your pores are way cuter."
"Thanks, Jaime."
"You remembered my name!"
"Of course I did. It's not like I'm Quinn or something."
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(The set of Tanandaria. The cast is just standing around looking half amusedly half bewilderedly at Beth who is dressed up in a sleeveless orange turtleneck type shirt made out of a leathery looking material, short green shorts and goggles, in other words Rikku’s outfit from FFX)
Beth: Come on you guys, we’ve crossed over with everything else.
Scarlett: But most of us know absolutely nothing about Final Fantasy.
Beth: So what? Brandon and I can fill you in. Right Brandon?
Brandon: (reluctantly) I guess so.
Tananda: Why do you get to be Rikku though? I was the one that got Rikku on that quiz, you got Yuna.
Brandon: (smirking) Yuna?
Beth: (smirks back then adopts a sweet, pensive face) I must sacrifice myself for the good of Spira. (normal voice) You see? Completely unbelievable, Spira can go to hell for all I care, I want to be Rikku. Besides I got ‘spunky girl-child’ on that other quiz.
Scarlett: Then you retook it and got…
Beth: (drowning out the rest of Scarlett’s sentence) Anyway, it’s my idea, I get to be Rikku. And Brandon’s Auron.
Brandon: Why Auron? I’m not that old. I want to be…hmm (he trails off thinking)
Kristin: I’m the one that looks the most like Rikku.
Beth: But you’re classic Lulu.
(Everyone besides Brandon and Beth looks confused)


Beth: (sighs) The ‘capable lady’ for FFX. She was the one in the picture. Tough, aloof, beautiful.
Kristin: I don’t know.
Beth: (wheedling voice) She has fire magic and minions.
Brandon: (looks confused, mouths/whispers) Minions?
Beth: (mouth/whispers) The moogles.
Kristin: O.k. I’ll be Lulu.
Brandon: (as soon as Kristin names her choice Brandon’s eyes light up) Wakka! I’ll be Wakka!
(Beth laughs and shakes her head)
Beth: How did I guess? O.k., Lulu-Kristin, Wakka-Brandon, Rikku-me, the main parts still left are Yuna, Tidus, Auron, and Kimahri.
Scarlett: I’ll be Yuna if no one else wants to be her.
Taryn: Who’s Kimahri?
Beth: Big blue furry guy.
Brandon: A ronso.
Beth: Like I said, big blue furry guy.
Taryn: Weird. I’ll take it.
Beth: O.k. Ranger Thorne can be Auron; he’s the father figure and voice of reason of the group anyway. The only part left to fill is Tidus. Tananda?
Tananda: I’m not being a guy. You be Tidus, you got the ‘Hero without a past’ and that one quiz even said you were Tidus. I’ll be Rikku.
Beth: (whining) But I wanna be Rikku. Fine. But the second you or Scarlett make a move towards me the whole deal’s off.
Tananda: Fine by me.
~A half an hour later~
(We see a very different Tanandaria set. Scarlett now dressed in the kimono like robes of the summoner Yuna is riding around on Ixion the lightning aeon knocking over set pieces. Kristin after learning that moogles are enchanted stuffed animals is trying to burn them all with her fire magic, Taryn is rampaging around Mahetrlanda scaring small children with her big blue furriness, Ranger not used to wearing dark sunglasses in doors is bumping into everything, Tananda is trying to master the Rikku victory dance and keeps falling over, and all through this rogue blitzballs are flying though the air thrown by Brandon. Beth is cowering in a corner watching the chaos.)
Beth: Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.


(We see a large rock with many ledges jutting out of the ground. the different members of the Tanandaria cast dressed as FFX characters are sitting on the ledges except for Beth/Tidus who is standing a little bit away from the group and staring at something off in the distance.)
Big booming voiceover of Beth: This is my story…
(the people on the rock look wildly around for the origin of the voice. Beth turns away from the spot in the distance she was looking at and comes over to the group.)
BBVOOB: And that is my spot on the rock Tananda, move out of the way.
(Tananda’s eyes grow wide and she moves. Beth sits down.)
BBVOOB: Ahem, let’s try this again…
(Everyone adopts the mandatory faraway, pensive, slightly sad look)
BBVOOB: This is my story…
(Final Fantasy X opening follows.)


(We hear Beth’s voice)
Beth: N…hahahaha…nnn…hahahah.Nooohahahahaha.
(Camera turns around the corner and we see a set of Bevelle [it’s a city in Spira] all decked out for a wedding ceremony. Standing at the far end, where the alter is are Qwerty and Scarlett, both look POed. At the near end are the remainders of the crossover cast [except Roger/ Jecht] with Beth/Tidus at their head. She is doubled over laughing. Tananda rolls her eyes.)
Tananda: And she’s upset when I break character.
Ranger: Pull yourself together young lady we have a scene to do.
Beth: Sorry. (she clears her throat) Noooo! Stop! …Um line?
Scarlett: (angry voice) I think, and this is just a guess here, it be something like you can’t marry Qwerty or stop the wedding. That’s just my opinion.
Beth: Oh, yeah. O.k. Noo…hahaha..Scarlett and Qwerty…hahaha
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Tananda- I just don't get it, Scarlett. Everyone is getting lost!
Scarlett- How can you get lost in the Tanandaria Cave Of Bad Fiction?
Tananda- I don't know. I have everything organized properly, in sections and corridors and such. I even put up signs! ~points to sign that says 'You are here'~
Scarlett- Um...Tan...the signs are a good idea and all, but a 'You are here' sign would be better with a map on it.
Tananda- Good idea! I'll go get my crayons...eep!
~Tananda trips over Qwerty, who's lying motionless on the floor of Corridor Green~
Qwerty- ~weakly~ Food....please....
Tananda- You want food? Easy. The kitchen is in Tunnel B, section A, Corridor Technicolor, area 14, room 337....Qwerty? Are you crying?
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Ranger: Peeks around corner)
Is it safe yet? (No response) (steps into room) Hmm, empty. (Grins) I think I'll just take care of a little problem, then.
(Takes the teal hair dye and dumps it down a nearby sink)
(Strange rumbling, squawking noise is heard)
What's that? Eep!
(Dives aside as a rampaging herd of penguins charges through the room)
Man, this place gets weirder every day.
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Scene: We see Ranger and Kristen wandering through the halls of the Tanandaria cave of bad fiction, they stop at the center where four colors (green, pink, blue, and purple) meet.
Ranger: Well? Did you find the map?
Kristen: Yes, have you got the gear?
Ranger: yep, right here. *pats back pack*
Kristen: *smirking* Guess you weren't all *that* sneaky though, they caught you.
Ranger: *sarcastic* Ha. Ha. Now let's just hurry up and get the blue prints and camera footage to the "Boss".
Kristen: And remember, lay low, wouldn’t want the I.U.F. to find us.
Ranger: right.
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(Two corridors cross. Ranger and Kristen come in)
Ranger: I know we've been this way before.
Kristen: Now you're imagining things.
Ranger: Oh, I am, am I? (Points to sign: "You've been this way before, Ranger")
Kristen: (Takes off glasses, cleans them, puts them back on, stares) Okay, who put that there?
Ranger: How would I know? (Looks over Kristen' s head at map) You sure you're reading that right?
Kristen: (swats at him) Would you stop that?
Ranger: I'd stop that if you'd lead us out of here. (Points) Let's try that way..
Kristen: (Sigh) Okay, okay. This map hasn't helped.
(They leave. A few seconds later, a familiar shape flies down another corridor)
kkkkKKKKEEEEEEVVVVVVOOOOOOoooooooo!
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Taryn: Ties a towel around her neck, wraps a black sheet around her* Look mommy! I can FlyyyyY!
~whump~
Beth- Nice landing. I didn't know it was possible to turn your head completely around.
Mahna- ~holds up scorecard that reads '9 out of 10'
Taryn- Owie.
Tananda- ~looks at Scarlett, Beth and Mahna~ Wanna call her an ambulance?
Scarlett- ~pause~ Naah. It's kind of funny. Popcorn, anyone?
Taryn- ~twitch~
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(Ranger & Kristen walk down a dark tunnel carrying torches)
Kristen: I told you this wasn't the way out.
Ranger: Yeah, but I'm the one who thought to get those torches.
Kristen: Sure you did, after you tripped over the light cable and left us in the dark!
Ranger: Would you just help me find a way out of here, please?
Kristen: Whaddya think I've been doing? Hey, do you hear something?
(A light appears ahead of them, then slowly brightens until a man with a flashlight comes into the tunnel)
Man: Hello. What are you doing down here?
Ranger: Looking for a way out.
Man: Oh, there isn't one.
Kristen: Excuse me? There has to be a way out.
Man: Oh, there was. But some weird yellow ball caused a cave-in a couple of hours ago.
Ranger: We're trapped down here?
Kristen: But who are you?
Man: I had just come in to install the cable. (Holds up a roll of RG6 coax)
Ranger: Is the other end of that connected to anything?
Man: Yeah, but I think that yellow thing....
Ranger & Kristen: Kevo
Man: Whatever. Anyway, I had it tied to the bumper of my truck. Then, uh, 'Kevo' caused the cave-in.
Ranger: We really are stuck in here. Great, the Boss is gonna kill us.
Kristen: And we still need to fix the lights.
Man: But you look good by torchlight.
Kristen: I do? Thanks. (Takes man's arm) So, tell me about yourself.... (Two go wandering off in the dark with one torch)
Ranger: Great. Now I'm alone in the dark. (Looks around) Well, could be worse.
(In the distance) kkkeeevvvooo
Ranger: Oh, crap. (Turns and runs away from sound)
_______________

Zoom in to see Angel passed out in a hallway, map in one hand. Scarlett and Beth walk up.
"Oh, no! What happened?" Beth exclaims.
Scarlett pokes Angel with the toe of her shoe. "I don't know, we gave her the map two days ago..."
They look at each other. "Oh, no, you don't think..." Beth starts.
Suddenly there is a small explosion of concrete from the wall causing the two of them to jump.
"Sweet! I finally found a short cut to the section Shmoss 3!" Nomad poked his head out of the hole and glanced around. He had a pickaxe and shovel in one hand, and plastique pouches in the other.
"Um... what are you doing?"
"exploring"
"oh"
"What happened to Angel?"
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Mahna looks down at the unconscious Woot.)
Mahna: Does anybody know CPR?
Scarlett: No, but maybe if you hum a few b--
Tananda: Hey! I did that joke last time you were in need of medical attention.
Beth: Is there a doctor in the house?!
Some urban guy: Yo, Ima doctah, but I'm in the hizz-ouse, not the house.
Tananda: Oh, ok, sorry to bother you.
Mahna: Isn't anyone going to give my friend a hand?!
(They all start applauding. Mahna rolls her eyes.)
Mahna: Not what I meant.
(slowly, Woot comes out of it)
Woot: Whoa, I... oooh! Snickers! (takes a bite and goes unconscious again)
Mahna: Curse you, chocolate and your irresistible taste!